OCTOBER JOKES

A blonde and her father walking down the street when the father says,"look - a dead bird".
The blonde looks up and says, "Where"?

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette look through a dictionary for the hardest words they know.  The brunette's word is "quizzical".  The rehead's word is "sardonk".  The blonde's word is "d**k".

"Guess what I got for my mother for Christmas ?  An electric broom!"  said the wife.  "Why?" said the husband.  "So she can get here faster?"

Son:  "Dad, where did all of my intellegence come from?"
Dad: "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine".

Little Johnny asks his mother her age.  She replies, "gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."  Johnny then asks his mother replies, "gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."  The boy then asks, "why did daddy leave you ?"  To this, the mother says, "you shouldn't ask that,"  and sends him to his room.  On the way, Johnny trips over his mother's purse.  When he picks it up, herdriver's license falls out.  Johnny runs back into the room.  "I know all about you now.  You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and daddy left you because you got an "F" in sex!"

A reporter asked Henry Ford the secert of his successful married life.  "Same as with cars -- STICK TO ONE MODEL."

Sex is like air.  it's not important unless you're not getting any!

A wife comes in and yells, "honey, pack your clothes!  I just won the lottery!"  Her husband yells back, "should I pack for the beach or the mountains?"  The wife replies, "don't care!  just get the hell out!"

A lady ran into the lobby at a golf course.  "I've been stung by a bee!"  she yelled.  "Where?"  asked a golf instructor.  "Between the first and second hole,"  she replied.  "Oh," said the golf instructor, "your stance is too wide".

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.  "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife".  He tells the doctor.  "When she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.  We went to look for it, and I noticed one of the cows had something white in its rear end.  I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball stuck right in the cow's butt.  That's when I made my mistake.  "What did you do ?"  asks the doctor.  "Well, as I was standing there holding up the tail.  I yelled to my wife, 'hey, this looks like yours!"