A YANKEE DOODLE CHRISTMAS some triva about american christmas celebrations

1. Celebration of Christmas was banned in the colony of Massachusetts from 1659 - 1681. The puritans saw it as a pagan celebration. Businesses were open and churches shut. Exchanging gifts or singing Christmas Carols or missing school would result in a fine
2. Hessians, German soldiers hired by the British to help fight the Revolution abandoned their posts on Christmas of 1776 to celebrate around a candle-lit tree. Their celebration enabled George Washington and his army to cross the Delaware River undetected and defeat them at the Battle of Trenton - a turnign point in the American Revolution.
3. Congress was in session on December 25,1789, our country's first Christmas under the new constitution. Christmas wasn't declared a federal holiday in the US until 1870.
4. In an early example of psychological warfare, Abraham Lincoln asked illustrator Thomas Nast to create a drawing of Santa with some Union Soldiers. The image was to show Santa's support of the Union and thus demoralize the Confederate forces.
5. In 1889, the first White House Christmas tree was displayed by President Harrison. In 1895, President Cleveland added the innovation of electric lights to the tree. 
6. The tradition of the lighting of the National Christmas Tree began in 1923 when President Coolidge lit the tree erected on the Ellipse south of the White House. 
7. The tradition of the National Christmas Tree lighting has continued until today with a few exceptions. During World War 2, the lights were not lit as a security precaution. In 1963, the tree was not lit until December 22 because of a national 30-day period of mourning following the assassination of President Kennedy. In 1979 President Carter ordered only the star atop the tree be lit to remember the hostages being held in Iran. 
8. President Eisenhower was the first president to send out an official White House Christmas card. The tradition began in 1953 when Ike allowed one of his own paintings - of Abe Lincoln - to be printed on a card and sent out offically from the White House. 
9. President Theodore Roosevelt was an early conservationist. In 1902, he refused to have a Christmastree in the White House out of concern for the planet. His son Archie, however, had a small tree smuggled into his room and put up in his closet. Needless to say, when the word got out about the tree, the president was not pleased. 
10. The Salavation Army has been sending their iron kettles into the streets since 1890s when they began collecting to feed the poor at Christmas in San Francisco. 
11. The tradition of standing a Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center in NY City began in 1931 -- by construction workers building the well-known site. It was decorated with "strings of canberries, garland of paper, and even a few tin cans". The first time the tree waslit by electric lights wasn't until 1956.

A SURVEY OF TOWNS IN THE UNITED STATES

A survey of towns are as follows:

838 named Bethlehem

145 named Joy

110 named Holiday

89 named Christmas

30 named Noel

17 named Carol

12 named Mistletoe

7 named Santa Claus

WHAT IS THE REAL CHRISTMAS

"Its sharing your gifts, not purchasing gifts;
It's not wrapping presents, its being present,
And wrapping your arms around the one's you love.
It's not getting Christmas cards out on time,
It's spending any card anytime, at the right time.
It's not having the biggest and best
Christmas light display.
It's displaying the Christ light
That comes from your heart.
It's not Santa coming down the chimney,
It's Jesus coming down from heaven
And giving us the gift of eternal life.

JESUS CHRIST REPORTS FOR JURY DUTY IN ALABAMA

Jesus Christ was called for jury duty this week in Jefferson County, but was sent home for being disruptive. Court officials were skeptical at first when on Monday a potential jurior submitted a name change form with "Jesus Christ" on it. But the 59-year old Birmingham woman, who previously went by Dorthy Lola Killingworth, assured the presiding judge that was her name. "It raised eyebrows, so I asked her if that were truly her name," Circuit Court Judge Scott Vowell said. "She assured me that it was. She had her name changed in the Probate Court, and she presented her driver's license." Christ was sent to Judge Clyde Jone's courtroom for a criminal case, but was excused because she was disruptive, court officials said. Instead of answering questions, she was asking them, a court employee in Jone's office said. Efforts to reach Christ were unsuccessful. Court administrator Sandra Turner said she and others in the jury assembly room were somewhat shocked at first when the woman insisted Christ was her name. And when her name was called, several potential jurors laughed out loud. Unlike some Jefferson County residents, Christ did not try to get out of jury duty. "She was perfectly happy to serve," said Turner.

BALD HEAD COVERED IN NEWSPRINT FIRST CLUE MAN FORGOT UMBRELLA

A legible New York Times headline on bald man hairless scalp was the most obvious hint he'd misplaced his umbrella during a rain storm. "I was hoping people wouldn't notice," the bald man said of his soaked entrance to work. "But when I sat down everyone came over to ask if I knew about the GM Bankruptcy like real wiseguys. They said it looked like it was on my mind. Hardy Har Har. "The bald man finally learned of the embarassing situation when he went to towel off in the men's room. He considered hiding in the handicapped stall until lunch and regretted not following through when he found half a dozen hats piled on his chair along with a USA Today newspaper labeled as "casual wear".

MAN ROBBED OF $2 MILLION BANK WITHDRAWL

A man in Taiwan was robbed of more than $2 million in cash that he had just withdrawn from the bank, a police official said. Three masked gunmen robbed the 50 year old victim in the southern city of Tainan, logging the highest-value robbery in city history with a heist of T$77 million (2.39 million), said a police investigation official. The gunmen approached the victim, as he drove from the bank to his watch shop nearby, Taiwan's central news agency said. One shot a shop employee in the foot during a scuffle to fight off the gunmen, the agency said. Police are looking for the three gunmen while advising people in the 769,000 population city to be more vigilant. "We're putting out a notice on public safety, telling citizens that we're ready to stand beside them for protection as they use the bank," The police said.

LOST MAN DRIVES 9 HOURS TO GET NEWSPAPER

An elderly man who went out to fetch a morning newspaper ended up driving nearly 400 miles after getting lost and taking a wrong turn onto a major Australian highway, police said. The man,81 year old eventually stopped and asked for directions after driving for nine hours, from the new South Wales country town of Yass to Geelong in the southern Victoyia State. The man, eventually approached a policeman at a petrol station and asked for help. "This little old man came up to me saying he was lost. He handed me his mobile and asked if I could speak to his wife." said the policeman. The old man was reunited with his family, said he took the wrong turn and just kept on going. "I just went out on the road to have a drive," he told reporters, adding he did not need a satellite navigation device as he'd only been lost once.

JOKE-OLOGY 1 to 20

1. What do you get when you mix beans and onions?   A. Tear Gas
2. Did you hear about the guy they found dead with his head in his corn flakes?A. The police thought it was a cereal killer.
3. What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?A. Beer nuts are $1.39 and deer nuts are under a buck.
4. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A. Fsh
5. How do you make a bandstand? A. Take away their chairs.
6. Why didn't Noah go fishing from his ark? A. He only had two worms.
7. Where should the one-legged waitress apply for a job? A. I Hop
8. What did the fish say when it hit the concrete wall? A. Dam
9. What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you? A. Nacho cheese
10. Whats kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay? A. deviled eggs.
11. What is the quiest place in the world? A. the complaint department of the parachute factory.
12. What are three words you never want to hear while making love? A. "honey, I'm home!"
13. What do you call a song you sing in an automobile? A. cartoon
14. Why does a cow need a bell? A. because his horns don't work.
15. What do you call a baby after its six months old? A. seven months old.
16. Did you hear what happened when the blue ship and red ship crashed at sea? A. the survivors were all marooned.
17. What do you call three blonds in a freezer? A. frosted flakes.
18. Whats the difference between a magnet and a politician? A. there's something positive about a magnet.
19. Why did the momma elephant send her baby to the party with a roll of toilet paper? A. she didn't want him to be a party pooper.
20. Why did the turtle cross the road? A. to get to the shell station.

1st JOKE OF THE DAY!

A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary surgery. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, Polly has passed away." The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room, returning a few moments later with a beautiful black Labrador. As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the dead parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet then left with the dog but returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up and also sniffed delicately at the bird. The cat sat back, shook its head, meowed and ran out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, your parrot is most definitely 100% certifiably.....dead." He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman. The parrot's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150! she cried, $150 just to tell me my bird is dead.!" The vet shrugged, "If you'd taken my word for it the bill would only have been $20, but, what with the lab report and the cat scan....."

2nd JOKE OF THE DAY!

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.

A huge heart covered in red roses stood behind the casket

during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and

the casket rolled inside.  The heart closed, sealing the doctor

into the beautiful heart forever.

At that point one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all

eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of

my own funeral.  I'm a gynecologist.

and at that point, the proctologist fainted.

LITTLE ORPHANT ANNIE

To all the little children:- The happy ones; and sad ones;
The sober and the silent ones; the boisterous and glad ones;
The good ones-Yes, the good ones, too; and all the lovely bad ones.

Little Orphant Annie's come to our house to stay,
An' washthe cups and saucers up, an' brush the crumbs away,
An' shoo the chickens off the porch, an' dust the hearth, an' sweep,
An' make the fire, an' bake the bread, an' earn her board-an'-keep,
An' all us other children, when the supper-things is done,
We set around the kitchen fire an' has the mostest fun
A-list'nin' to the witch-tales 'at Annie tells about,
An' the Gobble-uns 'at gits you
                        Ef You
                                  Don't
                                          Watch
                                                    Out!
Wunst they wuz a little boy wouldn't say his prayers,-
An' when he went to bed at night, away up-stairs,
His Mammy heerd him holler, an' his Daddy heerd him bawl,
An' when they turn't the kivverd down, he wuzn't there at all!
An' they seeked him up the chimney-flue, an' ever'-wheres, I guess;
But allthey ever found wuz thist his pants and roundabout;-
An' the Gobble-uns'll git you
                        Ef  You

                                   Don' t 
                                           Watch..
                                                    Out!

An' one time a little girl 'ud allus laugh an' grin,
An' make fun of ever' one, an' all her blood-an'-kin;
An' wunst, when they was "company," an' ole folks wuz there,
She mocked 'em an' shocked 'em, an'' said she didn't care!
An' thist as she kicked her heels, an' turn't to run an' hide,
They wuz two great big Black Things a-standin' by her side,
An' they snatched her through the ceilin' 'fore she knowed what she's about!
An' the Gobble-uns'll git you
                        .Ef You
                                    .Don't
                                            .Watch
                                                    .Out!
An' little Orphant Annie says, when the blaze is blue,
An' the lamp-wick sputters, an' the wind goes woo-oo!
An' you hear the crickets quit, an' the moon is gray,
An' the lightnin'-bugs in dew is all squenched away,-
You better mind yer parunts, an' yer teachurs fond an' dear,
An' churish them 'at loves you, an' dry the orphant's tear,
An' help the pore an' needy ones 'at clusters all about,
Er the Gobble-uns'll git you.
                        Ef You
                                    Don't
                                            Watch
                                                    Out!

GOLDEN KEYS

A bunch of Golden Keys is mine
To make each day with gladness shine
"Good morning!" that's the golden key
That unlocks every door for me.
When evening comes "Goodnight" I say, And close the door of each glad day. When at the table "If you please"
I take from off my bunch of keys.
When friends give anything to me,
I use a little "Thank-You" key.
"Excuse me", "Beg your pardon", too
When by mistake some harm I do;
Or if unkindly harm I've given,
With "Forgive me" key, I'll be forgiven.
On a Golden Ring these keys I'll bind,
This is their motto "Be ye kind",
I'll often use each Golden Key
And so a happy child I'll be.

College Student May Have Soiled Pants At Screening Of Paranormal Activity

A sophomore college student may have crapped his pants during a recent screening of low budget blockbuster,paranormal activity. During a particularly intense scene, the student leapt from his seat, felt a distinct loosening of his bowls,and noticed something that he was "Pretty Sure" was not there when he arrived. His girl friend,leaned in to tell her boy friend how intense the last scene was,but instead felt compelled to ask,"Is it just me or does something in this theater smell rancid?" The student,realizing that desperate measures needed to be taken,told his girl friend that it was probably "Burnt Popcorn" but he would go to the lobby to "Speak to the manager".

25 REASONS WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN WOMEN

1. You can enjoy a beer all month long.
2. Beer stains wash out.
3. You don't have to wine and dine beer.
4. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car while you play football.
5. When your beer gooes flat, you toss it out.
6. Beer is never late.
7. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
8. Hangovers go away.
9. Beer labels come off without a fight.
10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.
11. Beer never has a headache.
12. After you have had a beer, the bottle is still worth 10 cents.
13. A beer won't get upset if you come home and have another beer on your breath.
14. If you pour a beer right, you'll always get a good head.
15. You can have more than one beer in a night and not feel guilty.
16. A beer always goes down easy.
17. You can share a beer with your friends.
18. You always know you're the first to pop a beer.
19. Beer is always wet.
20. Beer doesn't demand equality.
21. You can have a beer in public.
22. A beer doesn't care when you come.
23. A frigid beer is a good beer.
24. You don't have to wash a beer before it taste good.
25. If you change beer, you don't have to pay it alimony.

When God Created Mothers

When the good lord was creating mothers, He was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared and said, "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one." And the Lord said, "Have you read the spec on this order? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic....have 180 movable parts...all replacable...run on black coffee and leftovers...have a lap that disappears when shestands up...a kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair...and six pair of hands." The angel shook her head slowly and said, "Six pairs of hands? No way" "Its not the hands that are causing me problems," said the lord. "Its the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have." "That's the standard model?" asked the angel. The Lord nodded. "One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, "What are you kids doing in there?" When she already knows. Another in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't, but what she has to know. And of course, the ones in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say, "I understand and love you." without so much as uttering a word." "Lord,"said the angel touching his sleeve gently,"go to bed. Tomorrow is another..." "I can't said the lord, " I'm so close now. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick, can feed a family of four on one pound of hamburger, and can get a nine-year-old to stand under a shower." The angel circled the model of the mother very slowly. "It's so soft,"she sighed. "Can it think?" "Not only think, but can reason and compromise." said the Creator. Finally the angel bent over and ran her fingers across the cheek. "There's a leak." she said. "That's not a leak," said the Lord, "Its a tear." "What's it for?" "Its for joy,sadness,disappointment,pain,lonliness and pride." "You are a genius." said the angel. The Lord looked somber. "I didn't put it there."

Joke of the Day!

Lulu was a prostitute. One day there was a raid. All the prostitutes were lined up outside the police station as they took them in one by one as lulu stood in line she saw her grandma coming down the street and was so ashamed because grandma didn't know her occupation. Grandma stopped to say hello,and asked what the line was for. Lulu,saving face,said that the police were giving away free oranges to those waiting. Grandma said wonderful,she loved oranges and got at the end of the line. When the policeman got to the end and saw her,he was amazed he said "How the heck do you do this at your age"? Grandma said "I just take out my teeth,rip the skin back,and suck them dry"! The policeman fainted.

Who Has The Smartest Dog ?

A group of workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an IBM worker who said his dog could do caloulations. The dog's name was "T-Square" and he told him to go to the blackboard and draw a square,a circle and a triangle, which he did with no sweat. The ford worker said he thought his dog was better. His dog, name "Slide Rule", was told to fetch a dozen cookies and bring them back and divide them into four piles of three each, which slide rule did with no problem. The Telephone Company worker said that that was good, but he felt his dog was better. His dog "Measaure", was told to get a quart of milk and pour seven ounces into a ten ounce glass. The dog did this with ease. All three agreed that this was very good, and that all of the dogs were smart. They turned to a Civil Service worker and asked, "What can your dog do?" The Civil Service worker called his dog, "Coffee Break" over and said, "Show the fellows what you can do." Coffee Break went over, ate the cookies, drank the milk, screwed the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back, filed for workmen's compensation and left for home on sick leave.

Heaven's Grocery Store

I was walking down life's highway a long time ago. One day I saw the sign that read "Heaven's Grocery Store" as I got a little closer the door came open wide and when I came to myself I was standing inside I saw a host of angles they were standing everywhere, one handed me a basket and said my child,shop with care everything a person needed was in that Grocery Store and all you couldn't carry you could come back the next day for. First I got some Patience,Love was in the same row farther down was Understanding youneed that wherever you go,I got a box or two of Wisdom,a bag or two of Faith,I couldn't miss the Spirit for it was all over the place. I stopped to get some Strenght and Courage to help me run this race by then my basket was getting full but I remembered I needed some Grace so I tried to get enough of that to save both you and me. Then I started to go up to the counter to pay my grocery bill. For I thought I had enough of everythingto do my master will as I went up the aisle,I saw Prayer and I just had to put that in for I knew when I stepped outside I would run right into sin. Peace and Joy were plentiful they were on the last shelf. Song and Praise were hanging near so I just helped myself. Then I said to the angel now how much do I owe he just smiled and said just take them everywhere you go,again I smiled and said how much do I really owe,he smiled and said my child the good lord paid your bill a long,long time ago.