Jesus is Watching You

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty.

He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say:
"Jesus is watching you!"

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.

"Jesus is watching you", the voice again boomed again.  The burglar stopped dead again.  He was
frightened.  Frantically, he looked all around.  In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage
was a parrot.

He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"

"Yes", said the parrot.

The burglar, breathed a sigh of relief, then asked the parrot, "What's your name?"

"Clarence," said the bird.  "That's a dumb name for a parrot", sneered the burglar.  "What idiot named
you Clarence?"

The parrot replied, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus."

Why Teachers Drink

The following questions were in last year's GED examination.

These are genuine answers ( from 16 yrs. old )

Believe it or not !!!!

Q. Name the four seasons
A.  Salt, Pepper, Mustard, Vinegar

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shine down on the leaves and make them perspire.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insists on?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important.  Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes?
A. Premature death.

Q. What is a fibula?
A. A small lie.

Q. What does "varicose" mean?
A. Nearby.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.
     Once a Arab boy reaches puberty,
     he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head.