And Today ?
Today is a gift.
That's why we call it a present."
A Church goer wrote to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense
to go to church every Sunday.
He wrote: "I've gone for 30 years now, and in that time I have heard something like 3,000
sermons, but for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them. So, I think I'm
wasting my time, the preachers and priests are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all."
This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column. Much to the delight
of the editor, it went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:
I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals.
But I do know this: They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work.
If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today.
Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!"
When you are DOWN to nothing, God is UP to something!
Thank God for our physical and our spiritual nourishment!
Saturday, December 8, 2018
Senior Drivers No Longer Need Driver's License
(Thank you Phil Goldman!)
My neighbor was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came
crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn. He rushed to help an elderly
lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.
He said with excitement, "You appear quite elderly to be driving." "Well, yes, I am," she
replied proudly. "I'll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don't even need
a driver's license anymore."
"You don't need a driver's license anymore?!!"
That's right! The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver's
license. I told him 'yes' and handed it to him. He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into
pieces, and threw them in the waste basket, saying, "You won't need this anymore." So I thanked him
and left!
My neighbor was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came
crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn. He rushed to help an elderly
lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.
He said with excitement, "You appear quite elderly to be driving." "Well, yes, I am," she
replied proudly. "I'll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don't even need
a driver's license anymore."
"You don't need a driver's license anymore?!!"
That's right! The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver's
license. I told him 'yes' and handed it to him. He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into
pieces, and threw them in the waste basket, saying, "You won't need this anymore." So I thanked him
and left!
It's a Pun-ny World, Still !
* What did the man say when the bridge fell on him ?
The suspension is killing me.
* Do you have weight loss mantras ?
Fat chants !
* My tailor is happy to make a pair of pants for me.
Or sew it seams.
* What is a thesaurus's favorite dessert ?
Synonym buns.
* A relief map shows where the restrooms are.
* How do they figure out the price of hammers ?
Per pound.
The suspension is killing me.
* Do you have weight loss mantras ?
Fat chants !
* My tailor is happy to make a pair of pants for me.
Or sew it seams.
* What is a thesaurus's favorite dessert ?
Synonym buns.
* A relief map shows where the restrooms are.
* How do they figure out the price of hammers ?
Per pound.
It's a Pun-ny World !
* Police were called to the daycare center.
A 3-year old was resisting a rest.
* Alternative facts are aversion of the truth.
* I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
* Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
* Did you know they won't be making yardsticks any longer ?
* I used to be allergic to soap but I'm clean now.
A 3-year old was resisting a rest.
* Alternative facts are aversion of the truth.
* I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
* Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
* Did you know they won't be making yardsticks any longer ?
* I used to be allergic to soap but I'm clean now.
Betcha' Didn't Know This !
What is the origin of Ketchup ?
Ketchup has its roots in seventeenth-century China. In 1690, Chinese cooks developed a brine
sauce of pickled fish, shellfish, and spices that they used on fish and fowl. They called the tangy
sauce "ke-tsiap." This new sauce became popular and its use spread to Malaya, where it was
called "kechop." In the early eighteenth century, English sailors traveling to Malaysia and
Singapore bought the kechop and brought it home to England. English cooks tried to imitate the
Chinese recipe, but lacking many of the Eastern ingredients, substituted mushrooms, walnuts, and
cucumbers.
The English called this concoction "ketchup."
Among the several varieties of ketchup they created were oyster, walnut, anchovy, lemon and
tomato. Its introduction to the United States came in 1792 when a recipe for tomato "catsup"
was published in a cookbook. It didn't become widely popular in the United States until H.J.
Heinz began mass producing it in 1876.
Today, ketchup is made of tomatoes, vinegar, corn syrup, salt and other natural flavorings -
a far cry from the Chinese fish brine sauce ! Whether you call it ketchup or catsup, over 500
million bottles of the stuff are sold each year in the United States.
Ketchup has its roots in seventeenth-century China. In 1690, Chinese cooks developed a brine
sauce of pickled fish, shellfish, and spices that they used on fish and fowl. They called the tangy
sauce "ke-tsiap." This new sauce became popular and its use spread to Malaya, where it was
called "kechop." In the early eighteenth century, English sailors traveling to Malaysia and
Singapore bought the kechop and brought it home to England. English cooks tried to imitate the
Chinese recipe, but lacking many of the Eastern ingredients, substituted mushrooms, walnuts, and
cucumbers.
The English called this concoction "ketchup."
Among the several varieties of ketchup they created were oyster, walnut, anchovy, lemon and
tomato. Its introduction to the United States came in 1792 when a recipe for tomato "catsup"
was published in a cookbook. It didn't become widely popular in the United States until H.J.
Heinz began mass producing it in 1876.
Today, ketchup is made of tomatoes, vinegar, corn syrup, salt and other natural flavorings -
a far cry from the Chinese fish brine sauce ! Whether you call it ketchup or catsup, over 500
million bottles of the stuff are sold each year in the United States.
WHY ?
1. Why ?
Why do men's clothes have buttons on the right while women's clothes have buttons on the left?
Because.....When buttons were invented they were expensive and worn primarily by the rich.
Since most people are right-handed, it is easier to push buttons on the right through holes on the
left. Because wealthy women were dressed by maids, dressmakers put the buttons on the maid's
right ! And that's where they have remained.
2. Why ?
Why do ships and aircraft use "Mayday" as they call for help ?
Because......This comes from the French word m'aidez -- meaning "help me" -- and it's
pronounced approximately, "mayday".
3. Why ?
Why are zero scores in tennis called "love" ?
Because.......In France, where tennis became popular, the round zero on the scoreboard looked like
an egg and was called "I'oeuf," which is French for "the egg." When tennis was introduced in the US,
Americans mispronounced it "love."
4. Why ?
Why do X's at the end of a letter signify kisses ?
Because......In the Middle Ages, when many people were unable to read or write, documents were
often signed using an X. Kissing the X represented an oath to fulfill obligations specified in the
document. The X and the kiss eventually became synonymous.
5. Why ?
Why is shifting responsibility to someone else called "passing the buck" ?
Because......In card games, it was once customary to pass an item, called a buck, from player to
player to indicate whose turn it was to deal. If a player did not wish to assume the responsibility
of dealing, he would "pass the buck" to the next player.
6. Why ?
Why do people clink their glasses before drinking a toast ?
Because.........In earlier times it used to be common for someone to try to kill an enemy by
offering him a poisoned drink. To prove to a guest that a drink was safe, it became customary for
a guest to pour a small amount of his drink into the glass of the host. Both people would drink it
simultaneously. When a guest trusted his host, he would only touch or clink the host's glass with
his own.
Why do men's clothes have buttons on the right while women's clothes have buttons on the left?
Because.....When buttons were invented they were expensive and worn primarily by the rich.
Since most people are right-handed, it is easier to push buttons on the right through holes on the
left. Because wealthy women were dressed by maids, dressmakers put the buttons on the maid's
right ! And that's where they have remained.
2. Why ?
Why do ships and aircraft use "Mayday" as they call for help ?
Because......This comes from the French word m'aidez -- meaning "help me" -- and it's
pronounced approximately, "mayday".
3. Why ?
Why are zero scores in tennis called "love" ?
Because.......In France, where tennis became popular, the round zero on the scoreboard looked like
an egg and was called "I'oeuf," which is French for "the egg." When tennis was introduced in the US,
Americans mispronounced it "love."
4. Why ?
Why do X's at the end of a letter signify kisses ?
Because......In the Middle Ages, when many people were unable to read or write, documents were
often signed using an X. Kissing the X represented an oath to fulfill obligations specified in the
document. The X and the kiss eventually became synonymous.
5. Why ?
Why is shifting responsibility to someone else called "passing the buck" ?
Because......In card games, it was once customary to pass an item, called a buck, from player to
player to indicate whose turn it was to deal. If a player did not wish to assume the responsibility
of dealing, he would "pass the buck" to the next player.
6. Why ?
Why do people clink their glasses before drinking a toast ?
Because.........In earlier times it used to be common for someone to try to kill an enemy by
offering him a poisoned drink. To prove to a guest that a drink was safe, it became customary for
a guest to pour a small amount of his drink into the glass of the host. Both people would drink it
simultaneously. When a guest trusted his host, he would only touch or clink the host's glass with
his own.
In honor of National Golf Month.......
We've got some bits of information you might not know.
* 125K golf balls are hit into water at the 17th hole of the
Stadium Course at Sawgrass each year !
* The French word "cadet" means "youngest child",
and that is where the word "caddy" comes from.
* A golf ball will travel further on hot days because
the air is less dense.
* Only 2 sports have been played on the moon:
golf and the javelin throw.
* If you walked all 18 holes instead of using a
golf cart you would walk 4 miles.
* Phil Mickelson is naturally right-handed, BUT
he's the most famous U.S. LEFT-HANDED
golfer of all time !
* Presidents Eisenhower, Kennedy and Obama were
avid golfers. President Woodrow Wilson is often
overlooked. He was so dedicated to the sport,
he played in the snow using a black golf ball !!
* In 1457, golf was banned in Scotland.
Parliament felt it interfered with military training.
Nearly 300 years later, The Royal and Ancient
Golf Club of St. Andrews was founded.
* Northern Canadian territory Nunavut's annual
Toonik Tyme Festival included a nine-hole golf
tournament. In below freezing temperatures, players
play on a sheet of ice, using fluorescent balls so as
not to lose them in the snow.
* 125K golf balls are hit into water at the 17th hole of the
Stadium Course at Sawgrass each year !
* The French word "cadet" means "youngest child",
and that is where the word "caddy" comes from.
* A golf ball will travel further on hot days because
the air is less dense.
* Only 2 sports have been played on the moon:
golf and the javelin throw.
* If you walked all 18 holes instead of using a
golf cart you would walk 4 miles.
* Phil Mickelson is naturally right-handed, BUT
he's the most famous U.S. LEFT-HANDED
golfer of all time !
* Presidents Eisenhower, Kennedy and Obama were
avid golfers. President Woodrow Wilson is often
overlooked. He was so dedicated to the sport,
he played in the snow using a black golf ball !!
* In 1457, golf was banned in Scotland.
Parliament felt it interfered with military training.
Nearly 300 years later, The Royal and Ancient
Golf Club of St. Andrews was founded.
* Northern Canadian territory Nunavut's annual
Toonik Tyme Festival included a nine-hole golf
tournament. In below freezing temperatures, players
play on a sheet of ice, using fluorescent balls so as
not to lose them in the snow.
It Happened !
* The first U.S. Census is completed.
There are four million people in the U.S. in 1970.
* The Nautilus, a nuclear powered submarine is the first
submarine to cross the North Pole under water. (1958)
* Champagne is invented by Dom Perignon. (1693)
I'll drink to that !
* Murderer John Hart is the first person to be
executed in an electric chair (1890)
* The Atom Bomb is dropped on Hiroshima, Japan
by the U.S. (1945)
* The "Order of the Purple Heart" is created
by President George Washington. (1782)
* Animated cartoon Dizzy Dishes premieres
with new star Betty Boop! (1930)
* President Richard M. Nixon becomes the first
and only president to resign while in office. (1974)
* "Smile, You're on Candid Camera",
Allen Funt's widely popular show debuts. (1948)
* US annexes Hawaii. (1898)
* Japan surrenders, ending World War II. (1945)
* Get a whiff of this.....the Whiffle Ball was patented
on this day. (1914)
* The Panama Canal is opened. (1914)
* Construction is started on the Berlin Wall. (1961)
* Indianapolis Speedway holds its first auto race. (1909)
* The Civil War is formally declared to be over by
President Andrew Johnson. (1866)
* The first picture of Earth from the moon is
taken by Lunar Orbiter 1. (1966)
* Amelia Earhart completes her trans-continental
Flight. (1932)
* U.S. Congress passes the 19th Amendment to the
Constitution, granting women the right to vote. (1920)
* Senator Thurmond begins a 24 hour filibuster
against the Civil Rights Bill. (1957)
* Martin Luther King Jr. makes his
"I Have a Dream" speech. (1963)
There are four million people in the U.S. in 1970.
* The Nautilus, a nuclear powered submarine is the first
submarine to cross the North Pole under water. (1958)
* Champagne is invented by Dom Perignon. (1693)
I'll drink to that !
* Murderer John Hart is the first person to be
executed in an electric chair (1890)
* The Atom Bomb is dropped on Hiroshima, Japan
by the U.S. (1945)
* The "Order of the Purple Heart" is created
by President George Washington. (1782)
* Animated cartoon Dizzy Dishes premieres
with new star Betty Boop! (1930)
* President Richard M. Nixon becomes the first
and only president to resign while in office. (1974)
* "Smile, You're on Candid Camera",
Allen Funt's widely popular show debuts. (1948)
* US annexes Hawaii. (1898)
* Japan surrenders, ending World War II. (1945)
* Get a whiff of this.....the Whiffle Ball was patented
on this day. (1914)
* The Panama Canal is opened. (1914)
* Construction is started on the Berlin Wall. (1961)
* Indianapolis Speedway holds its first auto race. (1909)
* The Civil War is formally declared to be over by
President Andrew Johnson. (1866)
* The first picture of Earth from the moon is
taken by Lunar Orbiter 1. (1966)
* Amelia Earhart completes her trans-continental
Flight. (1932)
* U.S. Congress passes the 19th Amendment to the
Constitution, granting women the right to vote. (1920)
* Senator Thurmond begins a 24 hour filibuster
against the Civil Rights Bill. (1957)
* Martin Luther King Jr. makes his
"I Have a Dream" speech. (1963)
Thursday, December 6, 2018
We Need to Laugh 'MORE'!!
One perfect child, and every Mom has it.
A child's greatest period of growth
is the month after you've purchased
new uniforms.
My wife and I always compromise,
I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
You're getting old when you enjoy
remembering things more than doing them.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit
of resting before you get tired.
Power corrupts; but we need the electricity.
Those who can't laugh at themselves leave
the job to others.
A child's greatest period of growth
is the month after you've purchased
new uniforms.
My wife and I always compromise,
I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
You're getting old when you enjoy
remembering things more than doing them.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit
of resting before you get tired.
Power corrupts; but we need the electricity.
Those who can't laugh at themselves leave
the job to others.
We Need to Laugh !
George Washington said to his father :
"Dad, if I never tell a lie, how am I
ever gonna be President?"
Abraham Lincoln said :
"A house divided....is a condominium."
James Cagney said to Mickey Mouse :
"You dirty rat !"
Adam said to Eve : "What do you mean
you've got nothing to wear?"
Eve said to Adam: "Does this fig leaf
makes me look fat?"
Sleeping Beauty to the Prince:
"Are you sure all we did was kiss?"
Venus de Milo's mother said :
"You never call me. Can't you pick up
a phone?"
"Dad, if I never tell a lie, how am I
ever gonna be President?"
Abraham Lincoln said :
"A house divided....is a condominium."
James Cagney said to Mickey Mouse :
"You dirty rat !"
Adam said to Eve : "What do you mean
you've got nothing to wear?"
Eve said to Adam: "Does this fig leaf
makes me look fat?"
Sleeping Beauty to the Prince:
"Are you sure all we did was kiss?"
Venus de Milo's mother said :
"You never call me. Can't you pick up
a phone?"
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