Monday, December 30, 2013

A Christmas Welcome Mat

                  by  Rev. Leonard N. Peterson

                  The best pastor I ever served under was blest with an authentic graciousness paired with genuine wit and a touch of class.  He went to God many years ago, but I still remember some spontaneous remarks he made to a packed church on Christmas Eve a little before Mass was to begin.  He looked out at the crowd and said, for starters, "I guess I'll have to build a bigger church!"  The people laughed.  But then he added this:  "Please know that you're always welcome here at our parish.  Christ's embrace is wide enough for all of us."  The people clapped.  I thought of that long ago memory as I sat down to write this piece as we come to Christmas 2013.
                 "Welcome" is a key word expressed so beautifully in action as well as in the words of our present Holy Father, Pope Francis.  You see it in his eyes.  You practically feel it in his gestures, as he motors around St. Peter's Square in Rome.  Perhaps you also saw it in the pictures from last summer, as he warmly greeted the young people gathered for World Youth Day in Rio de Janeiro.  The "wattage" of his smile intensified as he made a special side trip to a drug-infested ghetto of the poor.  Most poignant of all is his embrace of the disabled of all ages.  Welcome indeed!
                 But at Christmas time there are many good people for whom the whole Church adds a word to "welcome."  She says "Welcome back!"  She addresses that especially to all those who, for a variety of reasons, may have drifted away from the altar.  Their absence (perhaps your absence) is, in many cases, completely understandable as well as entirely regrettable.
                 Hurts happen.  Misunderstandings multiply.  Even the Church herself is mindful that scandal (of which she has endured severqal lately) can sear a sensitive soul with pain, confusion, and doubt.
                 But bear in mind that while we believe that the Church and Christ are forever united, the human element that Christ works through has inherent flaws just by being human.  After all, a wise somebody once quipped that "if the Church were perfect, none of us could belong!"  Just taking a quick look at our Church's pilgrimage through the centuries should offer proof that the Holy Spirit has had to be at her helm.
                 Sadly, we do not have many pictures of Christ shown smiling.  True, He was a "Man of Sorrows", as Handel's "Messiah" reminds us in that magnificent oratorio that is a musical feature of the Christmas season.  But even there the composer gives us the "Hallelujah" chorus for balance.
                 I am convinced that Christ does smile especially beautifully when someone who has been away comes back.  Especially when they decide to stay by His side no matter what as members of His Church.  There may not be a "Welcome" sign on the lawn, or a mat at the doors of the church in your part of the world.  But please note that the Child in the Crib has His arms out, ready to embrace.  And if you listen closely, not with your ears but with your heart, you will hear Him say "Come to Me."  I for one believe in my heart that He will be smiling.
                A blessed Christmas to you and yours!

Christmas Carols

                  Remember the good old days when we didn't hear Christmas carols until after Thanksgiving?
                  It seems the first one can be heard before Halloween these days!
                  At first it seems too early, then as time marches on they seem a reminder of all the things yet undone in preparation for the holiday ---- shopping, cleaning, baking, etc.  It isn't until Christmas arrives that we can take a breath and let them soothe us and cheer us.  When the sun goes down on Christmas Eve, we seem to draw a collective breath and the glory of Jesus' birth washes over us with their melodies.  What would the celebration be without Christmas Carols?
                 Carols originated in Europe thousands of years ago The word "carol" actually means dance or a song of praise and joy.  Carols used to be written and sung during all four seasons, but only the tradition of singing them at Christmas has really survived!
                 Christmas carols as we know them were given life by St. Francis of Assisi, when in 1223 he started his Nativity Plays in Italy.  Francis was determined that ordinary people, who often couldn't read, should understand and love the birth of Jesus.  He set up living nativities using real people and animals and told the story of the birth of Jesus.  Songs or 'canticles' were sung telling the miraculous story.  Usually the songs were sung in a language that the people watching the play could understand and join in.  People left joyfully bringing the songs with them.  The new carols spread to France, Spain, Germany and other European countries.  And the tradition of "carolling" began throughout Europe.
                 Some of the carols we sing today are very old, and many have interesting stories.
                 The first carol heard on the streets of London at Christmas time from the 16th century onward was "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen."  Interestingly enough, most people misplace the comma ---- thinking the opening line is "God rest ye, merry gentlemen" ----distorting the meaning of the song.  It's message is not for "merry" people only ---- but extends the hope and blessing that God's grace and mercy will cause them to be merry at Christmas.
                 "O Holy Night" (Cantique de Noel) is often said to be the most beautiful of all Christmas carols.  There is a frequently repeated story that this carol figured prominently on Christmas Eve, 1870, during the Franco-Prussian War.  In a burst of Christmas fervor, a French soldier burst out of his trench and began singing this carol.  So moved by his actions, the Germans did not fire on him ---- and a German soldier then stood and sang a traditional German carol.  Soon both sidews began singing together the well-loved "Silent Night" ---- and peace reigned for that one Christmas night!
                In fact, all sorts of legends surround the most popular carol, "Silent Night".  The traditional story is that Rev. Josef Mohr, a young pastor in Oberndorf, Austria wrote the words for the village children to sing as a surprise for their parents.  Upon discovering on Christmas Eve that the parish organ was broken, he prevailed upon his friend Franz Gruber to compose a melody to be accompanied by guitar.  Whatever the true story is, this song remains the best-loved carol in the world, having been translated into hundreds of languages. 

The Legend of the Camel's Hump

                   Do you know why camels have humps?
                   There is a story that says that when the Wise Men were getting ready to look for the New Born King, they  had to cross many miles of desert.  They could not carry enough water, and anyway they left so quickly that they didn't think about it.  When they were half way there, they ran out of water.  So one of the wise men went to the camels and explained where they were going and asked if the camels would just keep going even though there was not enough water.   The camels agreed and went as fast as they could because they too wanted to see the Son of God.  When they finally got to the stable, the camels knelt down too, and worshiped the Baby Jesus and thanked God for helping them make the long trip with no water.  Then they drank their fill from the stable's trough.  And God rewarded the camels with large humps so they would never have to thirst in the desert again.

.......And One with a Hidden Meaning

                   "The Twelve Days of Christmas" was written to remind Catholics of basic tenets of the Faith during the time when the Catholic Church was outlawed in England.  (Reference to this has been found in letters from that time.)
                  
                   Here's the hidden meaning.
                   Think about it the next time you sing this popular carol.
  1. Partridge in a Pear Tree ---- Jesus
  2. turtle doves  -------- Old and New Testaments
  3. French hens --------  The Trinity
  4. calling birds  --------  the 4 Gospels
  5. golden rings --------  the Pentatuch --- the first 5 books of the Old Testament which outline humanity's fall from grace.
  6. geese a-laying ------- 6 days of creation
  7. swans a-swimming -------- 7 Gifts of the Holy Spirit
  8. maids a-milking -----------  8 Beatitudes
  9. ladies dancing -------------  9 choirs of angels
  10. lords leaping --------------  10 Commandments
  11. pipers piping --------------  11 faithful apostles
  12. drummers drumming ------   the 12 points of faith in the Apostles Creed

Come, Lord Jesus!

                  by  Madeline L' Engle

                  Come, Lord Jesus!  Do I dare
                  CryLord Jesus, quickly come!
                  Flash the lightning in the air!
                  Crash the thunder on my home!
                  Should I speak this awful prayer?
                  Come,  Lord Jesus, help me dare.
                  Come, Lord Jesus! You I call
                  To come (come soon!) are not the child
                  Who lay once in the manger stall,
                  Are not the infant meek and mild.
                  You come in judgement on our all:
                  Help me to know you, whom I call.

                  Come, Lord Jesus! Come this night
                  With your purging and your power,
                   For the earth is dark with blight
                   And in sin we run and cower
                  Before the splendid, raging sight
                  Of the breaking of the night.
                  Come, my Lord!  Our darkness end!
                  Break the bonds of time and space.
                  All the powers of evil rend
                  By the radiance of your face.
                  The laughing stars with joy attend:
                  Come Lord Jesus!  Be my end!

Saturday, December 28, 2013

The Proclamation of the Birth of Christ

                 Today, the twenty-fifth day of December, unknown ages from the time when God created the heavens and the earth and then formed man and woman in his own image.

                 Several thousand years after the flood, when God made the rainbow shine forth as a sign of the covenant.

                 Twenty-one centuries from the time of Abraham and Sarah; thirteen centuries after Moses led the people of Israel out of Egypt.

                 Eleven hundred years from the time of Ruth and the Judges; one thousand years from the anointing of David as king; in the sixty-fifth week according to the prophecy of Daniel.

                 In the one hundred and ninety-fourth Olympiad;  the seven hundred and fifty-second year from the foundation of the city of Rome.

                The forty-second year of the reign of Octavian Augustus; the whole world being at peace, Jesus Christ, eternal God and Son of the eternal Father, desiring to sanctify the world by his most merciful coming, being conceived by the Holy Spirit, and nine months having passed since his conception, Was born in Bethlehem of Judea of the Virgin Mary.

                Today is the nativity of our Lord Jesus Christ according to the flesh.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

A Wish I Wish For You

                 The Spirit Level
                 Poems of Area Poets

                 By  Susan Abulhawa

                 Burrow your hands into the sand
                     lower your head
                     and let the economy
                     slide off your back.

                 Put your ear to the earth
                     your skin to your dream
                     and peel away the opinions.

                Fill your lungs with God
                    and turn to let the sun caress
                    your beautiful face.

                And know
                    that my wish for you
                    is to live an authentic life.

               sjabulhawa@yahoo.com
               Susan Abulhawa, of Yardley, is the author of the novel "Mornings in Jenin."
               This poem is from her first book of poetry, "My Voice Sought the Wind" (Just World Books), which was published this fall.

Earthweek: A Diary of the Planet (Nov. 22, 2013)

Carbon Dioxide Record
Emissions of carbon dioxide (CO2) from the burning of fossil fuels will reach a record amount of 36 billion tons this year, according to a report prepared by an international team of scientists.  The findings by 49 researchers from 10 countries were prepared for the Global Carbon Project, and highlight a 2.1 percent increase over last year's levels and a 61 percent increase since 1990.  CO2 is the most prevalent greenhouse gas and is mainly created by the burning of coal, oil and gas.  The world's industrialized and developing countries have failed to cut global emissions enough to keep global warming below 2 degrees Celsius, which scientists say is necessary to avoid the worst effects of climate change.  While the United Stqtes significantly cut its CO2 emissions by switching to cleaner fuels in recent years, emerging industries elsewhere and the switch from nuclear power to burning coal in Japan and Germany have far offset those reductions.  China, the world's No. 1 carbon emitter, accounted for 70 percent of the global increase in 2012, according to the report.
'Cyclone' Cleopatra
An unprecedented Mediterranean storm struck the Italian island of Sardinia with such force that it was dubbed "Cyclone Cleopatra."  The storm dumped almost 18 inches of rainfall within an hour and a half, causing rivers to burst their banks and flood waters to sweep away cars with explosive force.  Olbia Mayor Gianni Giovannelli said the city had been destroyed by the "apocalyptic" storm, which washed out bridges and submerged homes beneath 10 feet of water bomb."  At least 16 people lost their lives during the flash flooding.
MERS Update
The deadly MERS respiratory virus that has killed at least 65 people, mainly in the Middle East, often goes undetected among those infected, according to a new study.  European researchers estimate that for each of the roughly 155 confirmed cases of the respiratory disease, five to 10 may have been infected and gone unidentified.  World Health Organization MERS expert Anthony Mounts says his agency has been told Saudi health officials are focusing their testing on people with MERS-like symptoms who are gravely ill.  This possibly leads to many other sufferers remaining under the radar.  The scientists say they still aren't able to rule out that person-to-personinfection is spreading the disease in addition to contact with infected animals.  Camels around Saudi Arabia have been found to be infected with the flulike virus.
Tropical Cyclones
The fourth tropical cyclone to form in the northern Indian Ocean this season lashed India's southeastern coast late in the week.  Cyclone Helen was packing wind gusts of about 75 mph when it made landfall in eastern Andhra Pradesh state.
*    Tropical Storm Podul brought locally heavy rain to central Vietnam.  Subtropical Storm Melissa formed over the central Atlantic.
Earthquakes
A 5.5 magnitude quake rocked Toyko skyscrapers and halted rail service briefly when it struck just 30 miles east of the Japanese capital.
*    Earth movements were also felt in Indian-controlled Kashmir, Indonesia's North Maluku province, southern Washington state, central Oklahoma  and southeastern Ohio.
Volcano Refugees
Weeks of powerful blasts from Sumatra's Mount Sinabung volcano prevented thousands of people from returning to their homes after nearly a month in evacuation centers.  The volcano has been erupting on and off since mid-September, eventually forcing more than 5,000 people to flee their homes.  Ash from the blasts has destroyed thousands of acres of farmlands, inflicting millions of dollars of losses to farmers near the mountain's slopes.  Besides sending massive plumes of ash soaring high above northwestern Sumatra, Sinabung also unleashed a fast-moving avalanche of super heated ash, lava chunks and vapor cascading down its flanks.  Lava has been observed flowing from the top of the mountain as well.
Albino Roo
Visitors to a park just outside Australia's capital of Canberra are being dazzled by a pure white kangaroo that experts say has beaten the odds of survival.  Albino roos are extremely rare, and they typically don't survive into adulthood because their brilliant white coat attracks predators.  "The whole thing about natural selection is that you want to blend in.  Gray kangaroos are gray for a reason ---- they blend in with the rest of the environment."  Namadgi National Park ranger Brett McNamara told The Canberra Times.  He suspects the white marsupial is a female and about 2 years old.  Dubbed "Rene," the roo is surrounded by its extended family of eastern grays, which bands together against potential dangers.  The park is not divulging the location of Rene's mob out of fear that illegal hunters might track it down.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Earthweek : A Diary of the Planets (Nov. 15, 2013)

Carbon Burp
The record tropical cyclone devastation just inflicted across the heart of the Philippines may have also unlocked a vast amount of climate warming carbon, according to recent studies.  While it's still too early to determine just how much carbon-storing forest Typhoon Haiyan ripped out of the ground, studies of previous tropical cyclones indicate the number of trees lost could be enormous.  A study of the aftermath of much weaker Hurricane Katrina in the southern United States showed that storm tore down about 320 million trees, eliminating their ability to take carbon dioxide out of the atmosphere and store it.  The untold number of trees felled by Typhoon Haiyan will eventually be replaced as the forests grow back.  And those forests will once again be able to help remove greenhouse gases from the atmosphere if not felled again by future storms.
Eternal Refugees
It is becoming apparent to many forced to evacuate in March 2011 by Japan's Fukushima nuclear disaster that they will never be able to return to the ghost towns that were once their homes.  A third of the 160,000 people displaced when the nearby Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant experienced meltdowns and explosions are still in temporary housing.  Social workers report many are experiencing domestic troubles, alcholism and illness brought on by their uncertain futures.  Hideo Hasegawa, who runs a nonprofit that is trying to help the evacuees, told the Japan Daily Press that politicians need to be honest with the refugees.  He suggests telling them they can never go home because the decontamination efforts are delayed and may never be able to make their hometowns habitable again.
A Flowing Wonder
Scientists have observed a rare type of lava flowing well over a year after it was spewed by one of the planet's most violent eruptions.  Chile's Puyehue-Cordon Caulle volcano exploded in 2011 with such force that it sent a plume of ash streaming halfway around the world.  While that eruption ended in April 2012, an international team of researchers found its obsidian lava (volcano glass) still moving at the speed of some glaciers.  It was the first time such a flow had been observed.  Because of the discovery, scientists now know that, like liquid red lava, the obsidian lava can still flow at temperatures up to 1,600 degrees Fahrenheit beneath a shallow layer of hardened crust.  "We found out that the lava was still oozing after almost a year, and it advances between 1 and 3 meters (between 3 feet and 10 feet) a day," said Hugh Tuffen of the U.K.'s Lancaster University.
Dolphin-Whale Deaths
The measles-like virus that has killed hundreds of dolphins as it spread down the U.S. Atlantic coast over the past few months has now begun infecting whales.  The dolphin morbillivirus has killed more than 750 dolphins since June, when it first emerged off beaches from Long Island to Virginia.  The southward migration of the marine mammals since then has spread the disease all the way to Florida, and the deaths it has caused are at a record high.  The U.S. environment agency NOAA says the virus is also responsible for killing two pygmy sperm whales and three humpback whales found dead or dying along the Atlantic coast.  Wildlife officials say that if the current outbreak is anything like the previous 1987-1988 record die-off, it's only halfway through, and fatalities will go much higher.
Tropical Cyclones
A massive international relief effort was launched after the strongest tropical cyclone ever to make landfall devastated a long swath of the central Philippines.  Typhoon Haiyan later went on to strike Vietnam and South China as a much weaker storm.
*    As many as 300 people perished on the Horn of Africa when Tropical Cyclone 03A roared into Somalia's semi-autonomous Puntland region.  Officials say that entire villages were wrecked and more than 100,000 head of livestock were killed by the storm.
Earthquakes
A 5.2 magnitude quake in western Tajikistan wrecked more than 100 homes and damaged about 255 others, according to emergency officials.  Shaking was felt strongly in the capital, Dushanbe.
*    Earth movements were also felt in New Delhi, Toyko, the eastern Kamchatka Peninsula, southern Greece, interior parts of the San Francisco Bay Area and north-central Texas.
Long-Haul Tuna
An Atlantic bonito tuna has been caught 4,000 miles from where it was tagged off the coast of Spain in 2006, according to that country's science news agency, SINC.  When the fish was tagged by fishermen seven years ago, it was more than 40 pounds lighter and half as long as when another fisherman off Venezuela recently snagged it.  The International Commission for the Conservation of Atlantic Tunas said the 3,958-mile journey by the fish was the longest ever recorded for a tagged tuna.

Kennections

                   All five correct answers have something in common.
                   Can you figure out what it is?

1. What ex-president appeared on his record 52nd and final Time magazine cover the week after his April 1994 death?

2.  What 1973 Rolling Stones ballad was rumored to be about David Bowie's first wife?

3.  What name comes next in this series : Moore, Dalton, Brosnan, and ...?

4.  What industrialist is the only onetime Nazi Party member buried in Jerusalem's Mount Zion cemetery?

5.  Canada has a special postal code, HoHoHo, for letters addressed to whom?

Bonus : What's the "Kennection" between all five answers?



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Answers :    1.  Richard Nixon
                    2.  Angie
                    3.  Craig
                    4.  Oskar Schindler
                    5.  Santa Claus
                    Bonus : All are known for their lists

F. Y. I.

The Difference
Medium roast coffee has more caffeine than dark roast, which has more body.

Quotable
by  Louis C.K., comedian, writer and actor
"Twitter and Facebook and ...... all that stuff makes you warped.  We've all basically given ourselves data-entry jobs."

First Push
Push-button phones first appeared in the Pennsylvania towns of Carnegie and Greensburg in 1963.

Fully Formed
The calves of humpback whales do not stop growing until they are 10 years old.

Still on the Books
In Racine, Wis., it is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep.

Change of Tune
The Christmas carol "Jingle Bells," originally called "One Horse Open Sleigh," was actually written for Thanksgiving in 1857 by James Pierpont.

F. Y. I.

Quotable
by  Jack Nicholson, actor
"The minute that you're not learning, I believe you're dead."

No Kidding!
A fish can drown in water, if there isn't enough oxygen.

Of Note
Prince played 27 different instruments on his debut album "For You."

Still on the Books
In Germany, it is illegal to tune pianos at midnight.

Deceptive Shade
In hot countries, oranges remain green but still taste sweet.

Superstition Says
Sitting at the corner of a table if unmarried in Russia means you will have difficulty finding a life partner.

F. Y. I.

Still on the Books
In Australia, it is illegal to wear hot pink pants after midday Sunday.

Quick Replacement
Sharks can go through more than 30,000 teeth in a lifetime.

Briefly Noted
Because its sole purpose is to mate and lay eggs, the adult Luna moth, which doesn't have a mouth, lives for about a week.

Quotable
by  Chuck Norris, martial artist and actor
"A lot of people give up just before they're about to make it.  You never know when that next obstacle is going to be the last one."

State Stats
The highest double-track railroad bridge in the world, the Kate Shelley Bridge, is in Boone, Iowa.

Nutty Smile
In China, the pistachio is known as the "happy nut" because it looks like it's smiling.

Earthweek: A Diary of the Planet (Oct. 25, 2013)

Ozone Hole Shrinks
The hole above Antarcitica in Earth's protective ozone layer reached its greatest extent of the year on Sept. 26, but was smaller than in recent years, according to scientists who monitor the phenomenon.  The National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration reports that this year's hole covered about 7.3 million square miles on that date, compared to more than 8 million square miles last year and more than 10 million square miles during the record year of 2006.  But NOAA points out that ozone -depleting  chemicals only dropped to about 25 Dobson units in recent years.  "We cannot say that this represents recovery, but it is certainly good news to see this year on the higher side of the average ozone range," said NOAA's Bryan Johnson.
Out of Control
Radiation levels have soared in the groundwater beneath Japan's crippled Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant in the wake of torrential typhoon downpours and the forced release of radioactive water being stored around the plant.  Officials estimate that 400 tons of radioactive groundwater are now flowing into the Pacific each day.  That's in addition to any runoff from rain on the surface.  The level of radiation in a drainage ditch at the facility has also risen exponentially, according to the plant's operator, the Tokyo Electric Power Co. (TEPCO).  Water contaminated with radioactive materials flowed into the ditch when Typhoon Wipha hit the area on Oct.2.  TEPCO says much of the water evaporated, leading to the surge in the density of beta particle-emitting materials in the remaining water.
'Airpocalypse'
An extremely hazardous concoction of air pollution and fog blanketed the major Chinese city of Harbin and surrounding northeastern areas of the country, forcing schools to close and the cancellation of all air traffic.  Public buses also stopped running.  Particulate pollution, which doctors say is the most destructive to lungs, was measured at over 500 micrograms per cubic meter, with some downtown Harbin locations reaching as high as 1,000.  The World Health Organization says a reading over 300 is hazardous and recommends a daily level of no more than 25.
Indian 'Eruption'
Indian villagers near the border with Myanmar report that an "eruption" with a lavalike flow has charred trees and plants on a nearby hillside.  Locals in the Manipur state village of Tusom say a deafening sound on Oct. 13 was accompanied by a flow of the hot liquid.  The Press Trust of India quotes officials as saying that mud, water and other discharges were still flowing from the hilltop days later.  Since there are no active lava volcanoes on the Indian subcontinent, it's believed the eruption was from a fresh mud volcano, which can also emit highly flammable gas that was possibly responsible for the charred vegetation and explosion.
Earthquakes
A sharp 5.2 magnitude temblor in Sumatra's quake-prone Aceh province killed one villager, injured two others and damaged about 160 homes and other buildings.
*   Earth movements were also felt in northern Israel, northern Tunisia, northwestern Mexico and north-central Oklahoma.
Tropical Cyclones
Thousands of residents in southwest Mexico's Guerrero state were evacuated as Hurricane Raymond churned the Pacific just offshore.  But Raymond weakened to a tropical storm and soon moved out to sea.
*   Super Typhoon Lekima reached Category-5 force over the open Pacific northeast of Guam.  Super Typhoon Francisco weakened from Category-5 force before reaching southern Japan.
*    Tropical Storm Lorenzo formed over the central Atlantic.
Monkey Chatter
At least one species of monkey has been found engaging in polite back-and -forth "conversation" similar to humans.  The discovery, published in the journal Current Biology, could help explain how humans evolved to take turns while speaking.   Marmosets are a friendly and peaceful species that help one another raise their young.  Princeton University's Asif Ghazanfar found that marmosets carry on vocalizations even with relative strangers, following a set of unspoken rules of conversation etiquette.   He discovered they don't call at the same time, but instead wait for about 5 seconds after another has finished "talking" before responding.  This behavior differs greatly from chimps and other great apes, which don't vocalize much and don't take turns when they do.  "This makes what we found (in marmosets) much more similar to human conversations and very different from the coordinated calling of animals such as birds, frogs or crickets, which is linked to mating or territorial defense", said Ghazanfar.  He believes the monkeys may find the polite patterns of conversation relaxing.

The Month of December

                   This month has National Days :


  • December 1 :  Eat a Red Apple Day
  •        "        2 :  National Fritters Day
  •        "        3 :  National Roof Over Your Head Day
  •        "        4 :  Brown Shoes Day
  •        "        5 :  Bathtub Party Day
  •        "        6 :  Mitten Tree Day
  •        "        7 :  Letter Writting Day
  •        "        8 :  National Brownie Day
  •        "        9 :  National Pastry Day
  •        "      10 :  Human Rights Day
  •        "      11 :  National Noodle Ring Day
  •        "      12 :  National Ding-a-Ling Day
  •        "      13 :  Violin Day
  •        "      14 :  National Bouillabaisse Day
  •        "      15 :  National Lemon Cupcake Day
  •        "      16 :  National Chocolate Covered Anything Day
  •        "      17 :  National Maple Syrup Day
  •        "      18 :  National Roast Suckling Pig Day
  •        "      19 :  Look for an Evergreen Day
  •        "      20 :  Go Caroling Day
  •        "      21 :  Humbug Day
  •        "      22 :  National Date Nut Bread Day
  •        "      23 :  Roots Day
  •        "      24 :  National Chocolate Day
  •        "      25 :  National Pumpkin Pie Day
  •        "      26 :  Boxing Day
  •        "      27 :  Make Cut Out Snowflakes Day
  •        "      28 :  Card Playing Day
  •        "      29 :  Pepper Pot Day
  •        "      30 :  National Bicarbonate of Soda Day
  •        "      31 :  Make Up Your Mind Day

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Kennections

                     All five correct answers have something in common.
                    Can you figure out what it is?

1. In 2004, after more than 40 years, Kodak discontinued the Carousel, its line of projectors used to display what?

2. To be official, a "Trappist beer" must be brewed by what type of people?

3.  What animals are the offspring of male donkeys and female horses?

4.  Whose "last dance" did Tom  Petty and Kim Basinger act out in a 1993 music video?

5.  What movie featured Robert Redford, Sidney Poiter, River Phoenix, and Dan Aykroyd as a team of computer hackers?

Bonus : What's the "Kennections" between all five answers?



_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Answers :  1. Slides
                    2. Monks
                    3. Mules
                    4. Mary Janes
                    5. Sneakers
                    Bonus : All are types of shoes

Friday, December 6, 2013

Christmas, please don't come early

                  I saw my neighbor hanging Christmas lights this week.  Fifty-nine days before Christmas!
                 A Philadelphia radio station might begin playing Christmas music this week for almost the next two months.
                Deck the halls?  For goodness sake, Halloween is still waiting on deck, not stepping to the plate until Thursday.  It makes a guy almost want to strike out in disbelief.
                Today, millions of turkeys gobbling on farms won't be gobbled up for Thanksgiving dinner for another month, yet we're talking Christmas already?
                Kmart aired its first holiday commercial of the season in September, more than 100 days before Christmas.  For the past month or so, our mailbox has been packed with Christmas fliers and catalogs.  With the luxury of next-day delivery, what's the hurry?
                The World Series isn't over yet.  The NFL season is only half over.  Our Halloween candy corn hasn't gone stale yet.  The local forecast this week is for temps in the 60's.  I'm still wearing shorts.  Yet we're talking about Christmas?  What's wrong with this picture?  (No, not the fact that I'm wearing shorts, wise guy.)
                Once upon a time, there existed a magical season called Christmas.  It lasted about two weeks, which made it all the more special.  By the time the wrapping paper was torn off the Christmas season, autumn leaves had long since fallen.  Thanksgiving was a memory, temperatures were numbing fingers and toes, and the sky was cloaked an ominous steel gray.
                 Back then, Christmas and winter entered the season hand in hand.  But as they did, Christmas seemed to come and go in the wink of Santa's eye.  Seemed like no sooner did you drag the Christmas tree into the house that you were dragging it out to the curb.  Butbecause Christmas was a blur, it wassavored, like the last cherry Lifesaver in the pack.
                 But now, Christmas has changed from a sprint to a marathon, a reality that's begun running our emotions ragged.  When Wal-Mart officially kicked off its Christmas season to announce its layaway program, the calendar showed August.
                 "Better hurry, shoppers!  Christmas is only four months away!  And please be sure to check out our great prices on Coppertone products before you leave the store."
                 This season, the rush to Christmas -------- or the Christmas Creep, as it's commonly called ----- is being blamed on media availability due to the lack of the national political ads that nosed out retailers last fall.  How they explain the Creep in non-presidential election years hasn't been explained.
                I preferred Christmas as a sprint, not as it is now, rushing toward us on the coattails of Labor Day.  But at least one survey shows I'm in the minority.  An American Express survey indicates more consumers want to do their holiday shopping earlier.  But given the convenience of online shopping, I'd presume consumers would require less time to shop, not more.
                On radio station B-101 FM's website, listeners are asked to list not only which Christmas songs they'd like to hear, but when they'd like the marathon to begin :  Nov. 1, Nov. 15, Thanksgiving or Dec. 1.  If Nov. 1 is chosen, it will be yet another example of what I describe as the "hurrification" of Christmas.  It's a date on which we should begin talking turkey, not tinsel.
                When it comes to rushing to Christmas, why can't we just ho-ho-hold on a little bit longer?

F. Y. I.

Blushing Bird
A turkey's head changes color when it's excited or agitated.

State Stats
New Mexico has far more sheep and cattle than people.

Quotable
by  Alphonse Karr, French journalist and novelist (1808-1890)
"Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns; have roses."

Still on the Books
In New Orleans, tying an alligator to a fire Hydrant is prohibited.

Table Tidbits
Cranberries are white until ripe, when they turn deep red.

First Light
President Bill Clinton hosted the first Menorah-lighting ceremony in the White House.

Kennections

                  All five correct answers have something in common.
                  Can you figure out what it is ?

1. What comic strip character has a hopeless crush on a never-seen "Little Red-Haired Girl"?

2. The Peristence of Memory is a painting by Salvador Dali featuring three melting what?

3. In Greek mythology, what Titan holds the sky up on his shoulders?

4. On TV's How I Met Your Mother, what color is the mother's storied umbrella?

5. In John Milton's famous epic poems, what gets "Lost" and then "Regained"?

Bonus : What's the "Kennection" between all five answers?



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Answers :   1. Charlie Brown
                   2. Clocks
                   3. Atlas
                   4. Yellow
                   5. Paradise
                   Bonus : All are ColdPlay Songs

Sunday, November 24, 2013

More news about "War of the Worlds"

                  Did newspapers hype the panic over The War of the Worlds?
                  No one has pointed fingers this week at The Inquirer, whose 1938 day-after coverage of Orson Welles' radio version ------ in which aliens attacked New Jersey ----- is a classic of deadline writing, anthologized in A Treasury of Great Reporting.
                  I posted about it this week, quoting liberally from George M. Mawhinney's lead story in the 6 a.m. edition of the Oct.31, 1938, paper. 
                  And on Tuesday, the Philadelphia Daily News, in classic knockdown fashion, wrote:
                 "There was not this mass panic," said American University professor W. Joseph Campbell, who wrote about the broadcast in "Getting It Wrong:  Ten of the Greatest Misreported Stories in American Journalism."  "The fright that night was very limited to a few pockets of people who were concerned.  To most listners of that show, it was very clear it was entertainment."
                 Slate took a similar tack.  Professors Jefferson Pooley and Michael Socolow blame the coverage on competition ----- the old-guard papers taking a clear shot at upstart radio.
                 Radio had taken advertising revenue from print during the Depression, they wrote, damaging the newspaper industry.  So the papers saw the Welles broadcast as an opportunity to get even.
                 Indeed, the lead paragraph of The Inquirer's next-morning piece asserted that "terror struck at the hearts of hundreds of thousands of persons........"
                 Hundreds of thousands?   Or a few pockets?  Or something in between?
                 Here's another perspective.  As the historian Robert Brown wrote in 1998's Manipulating the Ether, "After the speech of the 'secretary,' Americans had every reason to believe that the end of the world was at hand."  That would be the secretary of the interior, portrayed by an actor.
                 Many Americans did panic, Brown wrote, partly because much of the audience had tuned in to Welles in mid-show.  He q2uotes a Time article from April 1940 that asserted that of the six million people who heard the broadcast, 1.7 million believed it to be true.  Many other polls, taken during the same period, showed similar sentiment, he said.
                 Brown wrote that Americans were wary of gas attacks and in particular wary of Germany, which a month before Welles' broadcast had annexed parts of Czechoslovakia under the Munich Agreement.  The news was relayed during the Munich crisis over radio in bulletins and on-the-scene reporting ---- just the style that Welles capitalized on in his broadcast.
                 A broadcast that Brown says was genius.
                 "A significant part of the listening audience did consider the broadcast to be authenic and ;acted accordingly,he said.
                Here's one more indicator ---- the next-day story that appeared in the Nov. 1, 1938, Inquirer :
                It was generally agreed that nothing has shaken Philadelphia in like degree since the extraordinary "premature" Armistice lacking but a few days of 20 years ago........

Mars Attacks

                  Dateline Grover's Mill

                  Wait a minute!  Someone's crawling out of the hollow top.  Someone or ......... something.  I can see peering out of that black hole two luminous disks ......... are they eyes?  It might be a face.  It might be ......  Carl Phillips, International Radio News reporter.

                  Seventy-five years ago this week, Orson Welles turned a sleepy burg outside Trenton into ground zero of an alien invasion.
                  After dinnertime on Oct. 30, 1938, his Mercury Theater on the Air presented a radio version of H.G. Wells sci-fi thriller The War of the Worlds ---- a rewrite in which Martian spacecraft made Grover's Mill, N.J., their beachhead.
                 News flashes interrupted a night of dance music by Ramon Raquello and His Orchestra, broadcasting from the Hotel Park Plaza in Manhattan:  An atmospheric disturbance ........ incandescent gas exploding from the surface of Mars ......"like a jet of blue flames shot from a gun."
                 The first Martian cylinder crashed to earth at Grover's Mill, where correspondent Phillips described the unscrewing of a hatch amid ratcheting terror.
                 This was fiction, of course.  There was no Phillips, Like Ramon Raquello, and his orchestra and the Hotel Park Plaza, he was made up ----- portrayed by actor Frank Readick.  Nothing had disturbed the stillness of the town, which was little more than a mill pond, a feed store, a general store and a filling station in West Windsor Township.
                But to many tuning in to Welles' Halloween drama across the country, it sounded like a living nightmare.
                The Inquirer played a role in this reality play.
                Sheldon Judson was a junior at Princeton, a member of the University Press Club, and a stringer for The Inquirer.  A few minutes after 8, another student told him the newspaper wanted him to call back.  The editor asked him, "Do you know anything about a meteor falling in Princeton?"  Judson did not.
                "Then go find out."
                Judson had just declared his major as geology.  He contacted the department chair, who had not heard anything either, but together with another geology professor, they traveled to Grover's Mill, about four miles to the southeast.
                There, they found a sleepy town and nothing else.
                That's not to say there was no news in what happened.
                The next day's Inquirer carried the banner headline, "Radio Drama Causes Panic."
                Under that: "Play Portrays Men of Mars Invading N.J."
                And then: "Thousands in Nation Flee Homes After Fake News Bulletins Tell of Destruction."
                The Inquirer of Oct. 31, 1938, described how in Philadelphia, women and children ran from their homes screaming.  In Newark, N.J., ambulances rushed to one neighborhood to protect residents against a gas attack.  In the Deep South, men and women knelt in groups in the streets and "prayed for deliverence."
                WCAU was one of 151 stations on the CBS network that broadcast the play.  Before night's end, the FCC had promised an investigation.  One U.S. senator from Iowa said there ought to be a law against such disturbances of the peace.
                 In Philadelphia neighborhoods, families scurried to pack their belongings, The Inquirer reported.  One hotel proprietor said every guest had evacuated.  During that one hour, more than 4,000 phone calls flooded the Philadelphia Electrical Bureau.  The Inquirer got so many calls ---- more than 1,000 ------that it put on more operators.
               WCAU was swamped as well and broke into a later program to explain that aliens had not actually landed.
                But that was later.  During the broadcast, panic was the norm, according to the newspaper.  The report, since anthologized as examples of fine newswriting, went like this :
                In scores of New Jersey towns women in their homes fainted as the horror of the broadcast fell on their ears.  In Palmyra, some residents packed up their worldly goods and prepared to move across the river into Philadelphia.
               A white-faced man raced into the Hillside, N.J., police station and asked for a gas mask.  Police said he panted out a tale of "terrible people spraying liquid gas all over Jersey meadows.
              A weeping lady stopped Motercycle Patrolman Lawrence Treger and asked where she should go to escape the "attack."
              A terrified motorist asked the patrolman the way to Route 24.  "All creation's busted loose.  I'm getting out of Jersey," he screamed.
              And who could blame him?  

Drive Not, He Said

                 A remembered rite of passage was nearing ------- her son's getting his driver's license.
                 Except that he didn't really seem to care.   Why?
                
                 I took my driver's license test on my 16th birthday.  In 1984, you could get your learner's permit at 15 years and nine months, so that the day you hit Sweet 16, you could also hit the sweet streets alone.
                My plan ---- which mirrored that of all my friends ---- was to get behind the wheel as soon as possible.  The day I got my license, my mom gave me the keys to her car and off I went to visit my boyfriend.  I remember the moment vividly ---- backing that car down the driveway for the first time all by myself.  Life was good;  I was free.
                Last month, my oldest son, Noah turned 16 years old.  And things in the commonwealth are much different now.
                First, Pennsylvania now has a graduated driver licensing (GDL) system, which means you can't get your learner's permit until you are 16.  Then, you must complete "65 hours of supervised behind-the-wheel skill-building, including no less than 10 hours of nighttime driving and five hours of bad weather driving," before you take the test.  Given the above, it will be at least six more months before my son can drive alone anywhere.
               The rules aside, there is one huge difference that has left me completely perplexed, wondering where I failed as a parent:
               Noah isn't really interested in driving.
               His ambivalence first appeared a few months ago when I eagerly handed him the state drivers manual that I picked up for him at the Department of Motor Vehicles.  He politely skimmed through it and then permanently abandoned it on the kitchen counter.  When I asked him a few weeks later if he wanted to get his permit on his birthday, he vaguely said: "Sure, I guess......at some point."  But he never followed up.
              He's not the only one.  In the last year, I have had conversations with number of parents of teens who are eligible to drive but choose to wait.  A call to my insurance agent confirmed my suspicions.  An Allstate spokeswoman pointed me to a number of statistics, including a recent study from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, which found that the percentage of high school seniors with their driver's licenses fell from 85 percent in 1996 to 73 percent in 2012.
             The generational gap feels inexplicably wide here.  We could barely wait o win this rite of passage.  What happened to this next generation's drive?
             I pondered a few explanations:  Driving is too intimidating.  Granted, the process of driving is no more daunting than when I was 16.  But back then, our understandings of the perils of the road were limited to how much we paid attention during the manadatory Driver's Ed screening of Highways of Death.  Ignorance was indeed strength in 1984.  Today, there is a steady drumbeat of public messages and warnings regarding how an innocent ride can go horribly wrong.  According to Allstate Insurance, more than half of all teens will be involved in a car accident before they graduate from high school.  It takes a village to scare a child ----- and we are doing an excellent job.
            GDL is too much trouble.  I wonder if the added hours of GDL have sucked all the joy out of getting one's license.  No doubt the extra training is wise and prudent, but admittedly it does dampen the excitement.  Those who pursue their driver's license these days really have to want it ----- as do their parents, who signed that contract for five hours of bad weather driving.  It's almost easier tojust cart my kid around for the next few years.
             Driving no longer equals freedom.  Herein lies perhaps the most poignant reason for this generation's waning enthusiasm for driving.  Teens don't need a set of car keys to be free.  They already are.   When I was a teenager, if I wanted to engage with my friends, I would have to physically transport myself to a specific place.  Otherwise, I was relegated to the corded telephone, where I could have limited conversations with one person at a time.  Today my kid doesn't need car keys; he needs a Facebook or Google + account to connect with his friends.  They can remotely play one another in video games and are in constant electronic contact, regardless of where they might be.  So driving to spend time with pals is more of a nicety than a necessity.
            At some point during this exercise, I concluded my concern was misdirected.  In my haste to diagnose some deep-seated, emotional reason that my son didn't want to rush over to the DMV, I didn't embrace the gift I was given.
            Truth be told, we hit the jackpot with a son who isn't champing at the bit to take off in our car.  Despite being at this parenting thing for 16 years, I still haven't fully learned that you can't "ungrow" them once they cross a threshold ---- and with every new passage into adulthood comes a fresh set of worries.  Driving is the mother lode of them all.  If Noah isn't in a hurry, then neither am I.
            My son, I wisely yield to you the right of way.
                   

Kennections

                  All five correct answers have something in common.
                  Can you figure out what it is?

1. According to the rap name of actor-musician  James Todd Smith, ladies love him because he's what?

2. In 1954, what was the one-word title of NBC's pioneering Steve Allen talk show, later taken over by Jack Paar and Johnny Carson?

3. What's the first word of the song "Over the Rainbow," as Judy Garland sings it in The Wizard of Oz?

4. The world's oldest international sports trophy is named for what yacht, which won the cup in 1851?

5. In their number from The Sound of Music, the nuns at Nonberg Abbey ponder how to solve a problem like whom?

Bonus : What's the "Kennection" between all five answers?



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Answers :    1. Cool
                    2. Tonight
                    3. Somewhere
                    4. America
                    5. Maria
                    Bonus : All are songs from West Side Story.

F. Y. I.

Still on the Books
In Detroit, it is illegal for a man to scowl at his wife on Sunday.

A Winter's Sleep
The Common Poorwill, which may remain dormant for days at a time in cold weather, was the first bird species thought to hibernate.

Quotable
by  Aldous Huxley, British writer (1894-1963)
"Every man's memory is his private literature."

Film Files
Ronald Reagan was originally announced as the lead for "Casablanca," a ruse intended to keep his name in the press.

State Stats
Utah is the only state with a capital name, Salt Lake City, comprising three words.

Touting the Toilet
Today is World Toilet Day, launched in 2001 to raise awarencess of the global sanitation crisis.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Holiday Hazzards For Pets

                  While we all get fat and happy on delicious food and drink, it is important not to forget what things may harm our pets during the holidays.  While we have passed the Halloween milk chocolate tornado, we enter into the baking chocolate snow storms.  This is the chocolate that harms our pets.  The level of toxicity goes up with quantity, but no amount of Bakers chocolate is safe.  Make sure to keep animals far away from this food item, push it back away from easy access from counteredges, and definitely keep wrapped packages up high and not under the tree.

                  Most dogs and cats love a nibble of the turkey ----- and a small amount of meat is fine.  Avoid any bones, as they can cause obstruction and splintering in the digestive tract.

                 While Dutton Road Veterinary Clinc welcomes all baked goods for their staff and volunteers, we strongly recommend against any pet having access to raw dough.  This will expand in the stomach and create severe pain and/ or Salmonella.  A small cookie for your pet, once baked, is a special treat and is fine (as long as there is no Bakers chocolate inside).

                  Other dangerous food items found through the year include apple seedsk fruit pits, coffee, grapes, raisins and nuts.  Believe it or not, aside from ruining your pet's breath, raw onions are a huge no-no and should be avoided.

                   Some food items are life threatening, others just upset pets' stomachs and cause vomiting and diarrhea.  Cleaning up this mess is the last thing we need during this busy season!
                   Please also avoid the ingestion of ribbons and tinsel and the chewing of ornaments!  They are all hazards to our furry friends.

                   What is safe?  A potato latke, a Christmas cookie once in awhile, a small amount of turkey or ham (no bones!), a litle applesauce, and even a little milk from Santa's cup.  Can't be sure of Santa's response if he knows your pet drank from his glass, but maybe he likes dogs and cats!

                   In summary, when your pet is exposed to or eats potentially harmful things, the result can be painful, potentially harmful things, the result can be painful, pottentially life threatening, and significantly expensive.  Please be extremely careful during this festive time!

                   From all of us at Dutton Road Veterinary Clinic, we wish you a wonderful and warm holiday season.  We are always here if you have any questions about your pet now or at anytime.  We are non-profit veterinary clinic and our proceeds go towards animal rescue.


Aime G. Berman, V.M.D.
Medical Director
Dutton Road Veterinary Clinic

Kennections

                 All five correct answers have something in common.
                 Can you figure out what it is?

1. On average, 57 percent of an adult's body weight consists of what substance?

2. The song "One Night in Bangkok" comes from what musical, which takes place at an international board game championship?

3. Who is the violent husband of Judy in traditional British puppet shows?

4. What relation was William Henry Harrison, the ninth U.S. president, to Benjamin Harrison, the 23rd president?

5. What type of bird is Sonny, the mascot for Cocoa Puffs cereal?

Bonus: What's the "Kennection" between all five answers?



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Answers :   1. Water
                   2.  Chess
                   3.  Punch
                   4.  Grandfather
                   5.  Cuckoo
                   Bonus : All are types of clocks

F. Y. I.

Quotable
by  Napoleon Bonaparte, French military and political leader (1769-1821)
"Music is what tells us that the human race is greater than we realize."

Of Note
A grand piano can be played faster than an upright (spinet) piano.

Still on the Books
In Sarasota, Fla., it is illegal to sing while wearing a bathing suit.

Claim to Fame
Although similar designs existed at the time, Johann Vaaler patented his paperclip in 1901.

State Stats
Oklahoma has more man-made lakes than any other state, with more than 1 million surface acres of water.

What's in a Name?
Poison ivy and poison oak are neither ivy nor oak; both belong to the cashew family.

Kennections

                 All five correct answers have something in common.
                 Can you figure out what it is?

1. Elsie the Cow advertises Borden dairy products, but her cartoon husband, Elmer the Bull, is still the mascot for a brand of what?

2. What's the most popular exercise among American adults?

3. Sportscaster Al Michael's famous "Do you believe in miracles?" call celebrated a 1980 U.S. win over the Soviet Union in what sport?

4. Neapolitan pizza is traditionally topped with what cheese, originally made from water buffalo milk?

5. What Walt Kelly comic strip was named for a philosophical possum living in Georgia's Okefenokee Swamp?

Bonus : What's the "Kennection" between all five answers?



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Answers :   1. Glue
                   2. Walking
                   3. Hockey
                   4. Mozzarella
                   5. Pogo
                   Bonus : All are kinds of sticks

F. Y. I.

Quotable
by  Johnny Depp, actor
"The only creatures that are evolved enough to convey pure love are dogs and infants."

Indulge
Today is National Pizza With the Works Except Anchovies Day.

Beware the Bark
The world's most dangerous tree is the manchineel tree;  its sap blisters the skin and its fruit causes ulcers in the mouth and esophagus.

State Stats
Nebraska has two counties named after animals:  Antelope and Buffalo.

Chew on This
The first known bubble gum, Blibber-Blubber, failed to catch on in 1906 because it was too sticky and brittle to hold together when chewed.

Still on the  Books
In Kentucky, one may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once.

Stuffing For Beginners

                  How to explain the ins and outs of stuffing a turkey to a bachelor.

                  My favorite nephew is single, has Tom Cruise good looks and lives in a Southern California beach community, in what can only be called a perpetual light-beer commercial.  He is not much of a cook, but he has decided to entertain guests for Thanksgiving.  He invited me but I know he always participates in a strenuous touch football fame on Thanksgiving and I gave that up about the time Y.A. Tittle retired.

                   He loves my turkey dressing, and e-mailed me for the recipe.  I can follow a recipe, but I've never tried to explain some basic cooking concepts to someone with a smaller culinary comfort zone than my own ----- and who only understands several dialects of Bimbo-ese.  I knew I had my work cut out for me when in his e-mail he asked if he should remove the dressing mix from the box before he put it in the turkey.  I decided to approach the project by explaining things in sports metaphors that I knew he would be able to interpret.
                  Here are my instructions:

                  Buy two bags of stuffing mix.  Make sure it has sage flavoring.  It comes loose the way you like to crumple saltines in your tomato soup, or it comes in little cubes.  Stick with the cubes.  How big a bag?  Depends on the size of your bird, but the bags should be the size of one of those models in Victoria's Secret commercials.  (He'll know what I mean).

                 Next get two packages of premium pork sausage.  It comes in a silver wrapper and it is close to the size of a toilet paper roll with about 50 sheets of paper still on it.  Make sure it says "sage" under "premium," with "Our Special Recipe" in red letters.  Look in the meat case near hot dogs.

                 You'll need two or three cans of chicken broth.  Not big cans like those that Australian beer comes in, but cans the size that tomato soup comes in.

                 A stalk of celery.  It's green with a leafy top top that looks like Homer Simpson's head.  And two onions the size of tennis balls after the Williams sisters have been beating on them for nine games.

                 Chop the onions and celery.  Get one of those inexpensive choppers that you pound on like you're dribbling a basketball.  Do the onions first then chop an amount of celery equal to the onions ------- about a cup's worth (better make that a C-cup's worth.)  Oh, don't forget to cut off Homer's hair, and use just the stalks -------- except for the white-ish part at the bottom.

                  Now saute' ..... (Hmm, will he understand saute'?)  OK.  Melt about a half of a quarter stick of butter in a fry pan ------ low heat so it doesn't burn.  When it's melted, add the chopped celery (now turn the heat back up).  Handicap the onions by giving the celery about a three-minute head start; the onions will catch up soon enough.  Cook the onions until they are the color of the hair of that third Laker Girl from the left.  You know, the one we always zeroed in on with the binoculars during halftime at the Staples Center.  In fact you can use her to reference the size of the stuffing mix bags to get.  The celery is done when it's the color of the beat-up tennis balls.  Turn the heat off and set aside the onions and celery.

                  Slit the sausage package down the middle lengthwise like they do autopsies on that crime show "CSI."  Turn the package inside out and push the meat out the wayyour Grandpa used to turn out his suspenders.  Push the meat into another fry pan.  Brown the sausage, mashing it down with a fork the way you used to try to destroy green beans on your plate, thinking they would magically disappear.

                  Mix the onions, celery and sausage in a large pot.  Add about half a can of chicken broth, then half a package of stuffing until it is all the consistency of the stones and glop you would take out of your rockpolisher after it ran for a week.  Continue to add a little stuffing mix with a little chicken broth.  Don't let it get too moist since it will pick up moisture from the turkey while it's cooking.

                  (Will he know about salmonella?)  Don't forget to wash the turkey.  Not with soap, just cold water.  Pat it dry with a soft dish towel ------ gently, almost caressing it.  How gently?  Remember the Laker Girl.

It's a Ponderment !?!

                 When dog food is new and improved and better tasting, who tests it?

                 Why can't women apply mascara with their mouths closed?

                 Why don't people order a double cheeseburger, double fries, and a diet coke?

                 If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

Funky Facts

                 Unlike most fresh fruits, grapes will not float in jell-o

                 Grapefruit was not named for how it tastes, but for the way it grows ----- in bunches.

                 Champagne actually gets people tipsy faster than other alcoholic beverages because the carbon dioxide bubbles speed the alcohol into the bloodstream.

                  Cashews are not sold in their shells because the oil that surrounds the shell is highly irritating to the skin, and peeling the nuts by hand can cause blisters.

                  By the time a kid graduates high school, he will have eaten 1,500 peanut butter sandwiches.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

The Martians Are Back!

                  An alien attack is on the way.
                  Voice artist Christopher H. Baum has produced a modern adaptation of the infamous "War of the Worlds" broadcast that will debut on Halloween night.
                  The original program, which aired live Oct. 30, 1938, on CBS radio, fooled some listeners, especially those in the vicinity of its faux landing site in Mercer County, who thought it was an actual newscast.
                 Baum said although a strong reaction to his work "would be fun," his 75th-anniversary version isn't intended or expected to cause public alarm.  The new "War of the Worlds" will stream on the website Krypton Radio.com at 10 p.m.
                 An adaptation of the novel by H.G. Wells, the 1938 broadcast was narrated and directed by Orson Welles, who later found stardom in films.  Styled after a traditional radio newscast, it was an episode of the CBS dramatic series "Mercury Theatre on the Air."  The program featured a Martian attack that starts in Grover's Mill, a village in West Windsor, and spreads, calling the New Jersey Militia into action.  In his version, Baum said, the narrative covers a four-day period and primarily takes place at Joint Base McGuire-Dix-Lakehurst, where military personnel attempt to take control of the situation.
               At the corner of Hartford and Centerton roads, across the street from the Navy installation, a cornfield is used as the fictional location of a secret military base entrance.  A grassy hill in the middle of the farmed land marks the spot.
               The general area also serves as the location for a major battle.  Baum wanted to stay true to the original radio show in keeping the Garden State as the aliens' first target.  "I'm a Jersey boy," he said.  Born in Camden, the thespian grew up in Millville, hearing stories from an aunt about Welles' historic broadcast.  Since starting a voice career several years ago, Baum has worked on re-creating the program with his own spin.
             While the original "War of the Worlds" was presented as a live news broadcast, Baum's program is more of a storytelling version. In his role as a survivor, the artist narrates the saga, often relying on audio clips recorded as a devastating war was being waged to provide first-hand accounts.
              Baum used his Mount Laurel home recording studio to capture the narration and edit together about 56 tracks of sound to create the program.  Although much of it was recorded by actors, the terror in the panic scene is real, culled from recordings of a July Fourth event in Philadelphia.
               In forming his roster of voice performers, Baum cast a wide net.
               "It's a very diverse cast.  It's a microcosm of American society," he said.  "None of us are paid for this (project)."
               The cast ranges in age from 20 to the 60s.   Hailing from across the country, many are accomplished artists.
               He brought most of the 15 cast members in with the aid of modern technology.  He "met" some players through the online community Spoken Layer, an audio-narration service.  The talent includes voice artists Marjorie Kouns, a "Dora the Explorer" performer; Jewel Elizabeth, who appeared on "All My Children" and "Celebrity Apprentice"; and Steve Rimpici, an actor with a long resume of animated films and music videos.