Joke of the Day!

Lulu was a prostitute. One day there was a raid. All the prostitutes were lined up outside the police station as they took them in one by one as lulu stood in line she saw her grandma coming down the street and was so ashamed because grandma didn't know her occupation. Grandma stopped to say hello,and asked what the line was for. Lulu,saving face,said that the police were giving away free oranges to those waiting. Grandma said wonderful,she loved oranges and got at the end of the line. When the policeman got to the end and saw her,he was amazed he said "How the heck do you do this at your age"? Grandma said "I just take out my teeth,rip the skin back,and suck them dry"! The policeman fainted.

Who Has The Smartest Dog ?

A group of workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an IBM worker who said his dog could do caloulations. The dog's name was "T-Square" and he told him to go to the blackboard and draw a square,a circle and a triangle, which he did with no sweat. The ford worker said he thought his dog was better. His dog, name "Slide Rule", was told to fetch a dozen cookies and bring them back and divide them into four piles of three each, which slide rule did with no problem. The Telephone Company worker said that that was good, but he felt his dog was better. His dog "Measaure", was told to get a quart of milk and pour seven ounces into a ten ounce glass. The dog did this with ease. All three agreed that this was very good, and that all of the dogs were smart. They turned to a Civil Service worker and asked, "What can your dog do?" The Civil Service worker called his dog, "Coffee Break" over and said, "Show the fellows what you can do." Coffee Break went over, ate the cookies, drank the milk, screwed the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back, filed for workmen's compensation and left for home on sick leave.

Heaven's Grocery Store

I was walking down life's highway a long time ago. One day I saw the sign that read "Heaven's Grocery Store" as I got a little closer the door came open wide and when I came to myself I was standing inside I saw a host of angles they were standing everywhere, one handed me a basket and said my child,shop with care everything a person needed was in that Grocery Store and all you couldn't carry you could come back the next day for. First I got some Patience,Love was in the same row farther down was Understanding youneed that wherever you go,I got a box or two of Wisdom,a bag or two of Faith,I couldn't miss the Spirit for it was all over the place. I stopped to get some Strenght and Courage to help me run this race by then my basket was getting full but I remembered I needed some Grace so I tried to get enough of that to save both you and me. Then I started to go up to the counter to pay my grocery bill. For I thought I had enough of everythingto do my master will as I went up the aisle,I saw Prayer and I just had to put that in for I knew when I stepped outside I would run right into sin. Peace and Joy were plentiful they were on the last shelf. Song and Praise were hanging near so I just helped myself. Then I said to the angel now how much do I owe he just smiled and said just take them everywhere you go,again I smiled and said how much do I really owe,he smiled and said my child the good lord paid your bill a long,long time ago.