JOKES ( BACK TO SCHOOL )

• Little Johnny first grade class was playing "name that animal".  The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "what animal is this ?"  "A cat"!  said suzy.  "Good job.  Now, what"s this animal ?"  "A dog"!  said ricky.  "Good job".  Now what animal is this ?  she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.  The class fell silent, after a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "it's what your mom calls your dad."  "I know"!  called out little Johnny, "a horny bastard"!
• A kindergarden class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.  When the ime came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat down.  Puzzled, the teacher asked what it was.  "It's a period", said the little boy.  "Well I can see that", she said, "but what is so exciting about a period ?"  "Damned if I know", said the little boy, "but this morning my sister was missing one, daddy had a heart attack, mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."
• A sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "where is Jesus today ?"  Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in heaven".  Mary answers, "He's in my heart".  Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom".  The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.  "Well", Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there ?"
• A teacher asks the new student her name.  The girl replies, "Happy Butt".  The teacher says, "I don't think that's your name.  You need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out".  The girl goes to the principal's office and he asks, "what's your name ?" the little girl says, "Happy Butt".  The principal calls the girl's mother to get the truth.  After getting off the phone, he says, "Honey, your name is Gladys, not happy butt".  The girl exclaims, "Glad Ass---Happy Butt---what's the difference ?"
• A student is taking his final exams.  He takes his seat in the exam hall, stares at the questions and then in a fit for inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window.  He then removes his shirt, pants, socks.  The teacher, alarmed, approached him and asked what is going on ?  "I am only following the instructions---the test paper states, answer the questions in Brief."
• One day in class, the teacher told everyone to turn to a blank sheet of paper in their notebooks.  She noticed that Chip, the dumb jock, was having trouble with her directions.  "Have you found a blank piece yet, Chip ?"  said the teacher.  "Nope". I haven't, said the dumb jock.  "Somebody went through and drew lines across all of the pages".
• Mother : "come on Victor, you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for school".   Victor :"Mom, do I have to?  All the teachers hate me, and all of the students hate me, too".   Mother : "yes,  you do."  Victor :  "give me one good reason."    Mother : " Because you're 34 years old, and you;re the principal."
• A new teacher tries to make use of her psychology courses.  The first day of class, she starts by saying, "everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up !"  After a few seconds, little johnny stands up.  The teacher asks, "do you think you're stupid, Johnny ?"  "No ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."
• Q..  What are the best 10 years of a blonde's life ?    A..  Third grade
• Teacher : "Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word 'Geometry'."   LittleJohnny  : "A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, 'Gee, I'm a tree'."
• Q.. how many teachers does it take to change a light bulb ?    A.. Well, teachers generally don't change light bulbs, but a good teacher can make a dim one brighter !
• Boy : Will you punish me for something I didn't do ?   Teacher :  Of course not !  Boy : Good cause I didn't do my homework !    
• On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.  The florist's son handed the teacher a gift.  She held up the box and said, "I bet it's some flowers !" "that's right !" shouted the little boy.  Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift.  She held up the box and said, "I bet it's some choclates !"  "That's right !" shouted the little girl.  The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son.  The teacher held up the box saw that it was leaking.  She touched  a drop with her finger and tasted it.  "Is this wine ?" she asked.  "No", the boy answered.  "Is it champagne ?"  she asked.  "No",  the boy answered. "What is it ?"  she said.  "A puppy".