Nothing Funny About It

                             They're today's television comedies.  Laughable.  But just not funny.
                             To paraphrase Springsteen:  300 channels (and nothin' on).  Far too often I find myself gripping the remote and click, clicking for what seems an eternity as I search for a funny program.  I surf so long I almost get the urge to write a Beach Boys-type song, something like "Wouldn't It Be Nice (to find a decent comedy)" or "God Only Knows (where all the funny shows have gone)."
                             "The Big Bang Theory," "How I Met Your Mother," "Modern Family," "Parks and Recreation," "Two Broke Girls" and "Mike and Molly" are TV's top comedies today, and each has its moments, just not enough of them.  The funny fails to sustain, too often gasping for a breath of air.  Sure, there are usually two or three funny moments, but the rest is filler between commercials.  Too much burger when my funny bone craves filet.
                            I've developed a callous on my index finger from surfing and searching, and shake my head in frustration at the lack of funny.  "Kristie"?  I keep looking.  I hopscotch over infomercials and shopping networks that, by my count, constitute an unacceptable 25 percent of my channels.  I find another comedy.   "The Exes"?  C'mon, now.  I zip past more of them.  "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"?  Deep six it.  I'm thirsting.  Where's the oasis?
                           Three hundred channels and nothin' on.  Bruce was right.  Where, oh where, are the glory days?  Comedy ------ smart, funny comedy ------ is gone, and that's a tragedy.
                           Where are the days of CBS Saturday Night in 1973, arguably the greatest comedy night in the history of TV?  The shows were placed down like a card shark showing his winning hand:  "All in the Family,"  "Mash," "The Mary Tyler Moore Show," and "The Bob Newhart Show" and "The Carol Burnett Show."
                           They represent a comedy Mount Rushmore plus one.  The Funny Five all aired on the same night and network.  There they were, big hitters and hits exploding one after another.
                           I'd even settle for Mount Rushmore Light: NBC's Thursday night lineup in the mid-1980s: "The Cosby Show," "Family Ties," "Cheers" and "Night Court".  I'd even spread 'em out over a week.
                           Back then, I heard Coz deliver this classic line to son Theo: "I brought you in this world, and I'll take you out."  Today, I hear punch lines I see coming a mile away, as if eating Thanksgiving dinner and seeing Christmas in the distance.
                           Yes, 300 channels (and nothin' on).
                           Until last week.
                           Either the good Lord heard my pleas or I somehow sold my soul to the devil.  I mistakenly hit a number on my remote, and there it was.  Funny had returned to my screen in the form of a classic TV network called MeTV, as in Memorable Entertainment Television.  Like finally finding the woman of my dreams, my search has ended.  MeTV gives me "Mary Tyler Moore," "The Dick Van Dyke Show," "F Troop," "Get Smart," "Hogan's Heroes," "The Phil Silvers Show," "Car 54, Where Are You?" and more.
                           I laughed out loud watching "Taxi" and the Rev. Jim Ignatowski, the burned-out, counter-culture cabbie portrayed brilliantly by Christopher Lloyd.  On "The Honeymooners," Ralph Kramden's eyes bulged out and he screamed in pain after a mouse trap snapped down on his fingers, and I belly laughed as if Iwatching it for the first time.  As Sgt. Schultz bumbled his way through another day in a Nazi prison camp during World War II, I laughed even more.
                           As I did, I felt a rumbling beside me.  It was our 12-year-old son busting a gut laughing.  He was born nearly a half century after one of those shows, a third of a century after another and almost a quarter century after the other.  Funny, he proved, transcends time.
                           The moment I found out my satellite provider began offering MeTV, I considered giving my employer two weeks' notice.  I was afraid I'd never leave the house again because of all the funny on my screen.  My wife didn't think that was funny at all.
                           Does nostalgia play a part into my love of old comedies?  Sure.  Those programs and all that funny remind me of sitting with my late father, who loved TV comedy the way politicians love navy suits.  But as my son's aching sides proved, funny has no expiration date.
                           Unlike today's comedies.  And that's nothing to laugh about.