What Fools believe

                             Hilaria was a series of feast days celebrated by the pagan people of Rome.  Hilarity and hijinks ensued, and it eventually became known to us as "All Fools Day," observed on April 1.
                             It was preceded, however, by a day of brutality that included beatings, whippings and castration rites.  I guess you'd need a laugh after that.
                            We moderns continue to pull pranks on those who seem good targets, or who fully deserve to be punked.
                            Many years ago, I pranked a colleague, a man who was always reminding me he had graduated at the top of his class from a prestigious university.  One April Fools' Day, I left two notes on his desk.  One was to call "Myra Manes," with the phone number of the county coroner.  The second was "Call Mr. Fox" with the number to the Philadelphia Zoo.
                            Oldies but goodies.
                            He called both, one then the other. His face reddened after the second call.  Which is when I learned that tuition paid to a big-name university does not buy a sense of humor.  He chased me through the newsroom, grabbing things from desks and throwing them at me after he was told there was no "Mr. Fox" (or "Ella Fint" or "Anna Conda") at the zoo.
                           There has never been a shortage of fools : people who think 9/11 was an inside job, that casino slot machines are a sound financial investment, who know their astrological sign but not their blood type.
                           However, it seems to me that the population of fools has increased exponentially over the last few decades, as we approach $20 trillion in debt and seem to believe everything is going to be fine.  So, here is a partial list of items the which common Boobis Americanus believes.
                           Freedom isn't free, but food stamps are.
                           Ask not what you can do for your country, but what your country can do to give you more free stuff.
                           You can be fiscally conservative, but socially liberal.  You know, because the feds can print funny money to pay for all those liberal social programs that fiscal conservatives will never cut.
                           Get inept, inefficient government out of Pennsylvania Liquor sales, but put inept, inefficient government in charge of health care.
                           If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor.
                           Fixing "income inequality" is the key to social justice.  When we all make $40,000 a year, travel by mass transit, live in similar cramped abodes in cities, dress in similar hemp clothing while self-medicating with "medical" marijuana, paradise is ours.
                          Smart Cars are smart, especially when driving on highways loaded with hulking SUVs.
                          Global warming is due to humans burning fossil fuels.  It is not connected in any way to that large, 20 million degree ball of fire in the sky.
                          Dogs are people, too.
                          So are cats, squirrels, Canada geese and polar bears.
                          But not cockroaches, spiders or stink bugs.  Squish 'em.
                         What this country needs is another Bush in the White House..
                         Hillary will win the White House because her ideas are better.
                        Why, yes, people over 50 can look "hot."
                         No one will know it's a toupee, Botox or hair dye.
                         Tattoos improve the natural beauty of one's skin, especially if the tats are of colorful cartoon characters or something scary/edgy.  What shoulder-blade is not improved when embazoned with a skull that has flames coming from its eyes?
                         All you need is love.
                         And birth control.
                         If the love is infectious, penicillin.