JOKES AT WORK

The Twitter account @ MeetingBoy invites viewers to gripe about work.  Some of our favorite responses:

• Hey, everybody!  My boss is running a special on poorly thoughtout, unworkable ideas today. The discount code is YESSIR.
• Making up new words for business jargon embiggens us all.
• Is he replaceable?  Only if there's a 180-pound rock that can keep his chair in place.
• As I performed a simple medical procedure on my patient, I warned her, "After this, you can't have sex for at least three days."  "Did you hear that?" she asked her husband.  "No sex for three days."  "I heard,"  he said. "But she was speaking to you."
• A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights.  I showed her our top brand, but--wanting to make sure each bulb worked --she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in.  I did, and each one lit up.  "Great," she said.  I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box.  But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed.  "I don't want this box", she said abruptly.  "It's been opened."
• The topic for my ninth-grade class was palindromes, words or sentences that are the same read forward and backward.  I asked the question "What is the first thing Adam said to Eve?"  I was expecting the answer "Madam, I'm Adam," but one student had a better reply: "Wow".
• I just saw an ad for a position I feel completely qualified for: "Wanted: bartenders. No exp. necessary.  Must have: legal ID, phone, transportation, and teeth."

      Get Me Rewrite!
      A sign spotted at a housing development:  "This is a private road maintained by the owners of the  
      homes which affront the street."

      A newspaper editor missed this headline: "State population to double by 2040; babies to blame."

      One side of the tag in my husband's cap read "Best Quality."  The other side: "Ceptificate of
       Inspetion."

       Booksmart
       Scene: A bookstore
       Customer: Can you help me find a book ?
       Me: Of course.  Do you know the author or title?
       Customer: Well, I was at the beach and I saw this girl reading a purple book. She looked like she
                           was really enjoying it. I want that book.
       Me: Ma'am, you're going to have to be more specific. There are a lot of books with purple covers.
       Customer: can't you search on your computer for purple books?
       Me: Unfortunately, no.
       Customer: In that case, I'll take my business to a bookstore that has better computers.