TOWN NAMES

WHAT A LONG, strange trip.....Humor editor Andy Simmons explains how he got his job:

           It all started in Mars, California.  The way everybody stared at me made me feel as if I were from a different planet.  After a good look at my reflection in Monkey's Eyebrow, Kentucky, I saw why.  I put on hold my vacation to Prettyboy, Maryland ----a trim was in order.  But where? Tater Peeler, Tennessee, it seemed, was the logical spot.  I was wrong.  The barbers in Scissors, Texas, made a valiant effort to save my do, but it was too late:  I was left down in the dumps in Bald Head, Maine.
          Comfort food was called for, and I found some in Cookietown, Oklahoma.  After a month of indulgence, people wondered aloud if I were from Chunky, Mississippi.
         "I haven't seen such cellulite since Sandy Mush, North Carolina!" they howled.  The fat jokes got to me, so I moved to where they would never dare call me that ----Big Bone, Kentucky.  It was pure fantasyland.  During the day, I swam in Ham Lake, Minnesota; at night I dreamed I was in Cinderella, West Virginia, and didn't tell anyone about seeing Unicorn, Pennsylvania.  Had I let that slip out, they'd surely have sent me straight to Looneyville, Texas.
          But having grown up in Tightwad, Missouri, I wasn't about to pay the outrageous one-way fare.  No, I needed someplace cheap.  Too scared to fly into Eek, Alaska, I found an alternative lifestyle in Gay Meadows, Alabama.  I told stories about my haircut and stumbled upon a receptive audience in Chuckle, North Carolina, where they swore I would kill in Humorist, Washington.  They insisted that I take my jokes and drive down to Texas to Jot'Em Down.  Who was I to argue?  I wasn't from Squabbletown, California.  I knew the editor was also staying in Texas, so I rang her doorbell in Ding Dong.  And that, Dear Reader, is how I landed in South Dakota and in this Jolly Dump.