NOW THIS IS FUNNY

Every year the Wshington Post invites readers to supply alternative meanings for common words. 
It's a "neologism" contest that generated an enthusiastic response.  Read below for this year's winning submissions.

1. Coffee (n.),  the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.),  to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.),  to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which yu absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on a exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n.), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by jewish men.