HUMOR

Valentine's Daze
One morning I found a beautiful long-stemmed rose lying by the kitchen sink.  Even though the flower was plastic, I was thinking how, after all the years we had been married, my husband could still make such a wonderful romantic gesture.  Then I noticed a love note lying next to it, "Dear Susie," it read.  "Don't touch the rose, I'm using the stem to unclog the drain."

Mirror Image
My company sent me to Louisville, Kentucky, for training and put me up in a nice hotel downtown.  I got up in the middle of the night and did not turn on the light or put on my glasses, I ran into this huge man.  He hollered.  I hollered.  I was standing in front of a large mirror!

Sherlock Sleuth
Dr. Waston: "Amazing, Holmes.  How were you ever able to deduce that Dr. Scalpel killed the old-maid schoolteacher by blocking her elementary canal?" 
Sherlock Holmes: "Alimentary, my dear Watson."

Secret to a Long Marriage
St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto has weekly husband's marriage seminars.  At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to share insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.  Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, "I've tried to treat her nice, spent money on her, but best of all, I took her to Italy for our 25th anniversary!"  "Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here!" the priest responded.  "What are you planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?"  Giuseppe proudly replied, "I'm going to go pick her up."

Following Orders
A policeman stopped a man driving down the street.  When he looked in the backseat, he saw 10 penguins.  "Sir, you need to take those birds to the zoo," the cop directed.  "Yes sir," said the driver.  The next day, the cop stopped the same car and found the same penguins in the backseat.  "I told you to take the penguins to the zoo," the cop said.  "I did sir," the driver replied.  "They liked it so much that today I am taking them to the movies."

Tug of War
I noticed more and more gray hairs, so I thought I would pull them out before they became too plentiful.  While standing in front of the mirror doing just that, my husband came by and asked what I was doing.  "I am pulling the gray hairs out so my hair wll be all one color," I said.  A moment later, he replied, "Don't you think it would go faster if you pulled out the brown ones?"

And So It Goes...
Life begins at 40, and so do fallen arches, arthritis, bad eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person three or four times.