By Patricia Mistuk
"You're hearing things" is an all - too - familiar refrain uttered by my husband when I carry on about phantom car noises, high-pitched hums and running water.
"Did you leave the hose on ?" I asked, crouching between the toilet and shower. "I hear water. Probably a leak. Listen."
He obliged and for once, he agreed. It goes without saying, this happened on a pay-plumbers-double-time Sunday. Envisioning a spiking utility bill, we turned off the water except for a few minutes so we could shower, wash dishes and flush the toilet.
A plumber stopped by Monday, popped the lid to the water meter and mumbled, "Yup, a leak." Oh, happy day!
He Nexteled his buddy while my husband and I, like fire-fighters in a high-speed bucket brigade, emptied bookcases and the china cabinet. Murphy's Law states all plumbing leaks involve sawed out sections of high visibility dry wall, carpet removal and a concrete slab turned to rubble by a jackhammer. We live in the land of nonexistent basements, attics and crawl spaces so accessing pipes is more complex than deciphering the income tax code.
"You might want to put your dog outside," Plumber #2 suggested as he hauled the jackhammer into the living room. We had no time to cover living room furniture. Since a plumber's hourly rate surpasses our monthly mortgage payment, we let the dusty demolition begin.
While Plumber #1 chisled a 12" x 18" piece from our dry wall, Plumber #2 was duplicating Boston's Big Dig in our concrete slab. In no time at all, our living room and its contents were entombed in a volcanic ash of sorts that would rival Mount Vesuvius's 79 A.D. eruption.
"You got good hearing," Plumber #2 commented while attempting to pinpoint the leak.
"Not anymore. My eardrums broke from the jackhammer's noise," I said.
As the kaching-o-meter ticked, the plumbers repiped the culprit and told us dry wall and carpet repair is our problem. However, they offered to fill the gapinghole in the slab.
Two hours after I signed a temporarily kited check - I'd go to the bank and juggle accounts once I rid my clothes of dust - and sent the team on its way. I meandered into the bathroom and detected yet another water sound. Drips. Long story short: The toilet now leaked. Thankfully after my husband's get-back-and-fix-it-now phone call, Plumber #2 returned during a late-night Seinfeld rerun and repaired the leak.
The plumber parted with a warning. Leaks are common in old copper pipes. We should consider replacing all the pipes. Not now. We have more pressing issues: repairing the dry wall, tacking the carpet back in place, dusting the house to a fare-thee-well, and beelining to the bank so our paper check doesn't morph into rubber. Sounds overwhelming but first things first. If I hear any more noise associated with running or dripping water, I'll let my fingers do their Yellow Page walk and rent a Port-O-Let.
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