AH, GET READY FOR MOM

• My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done:  "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside  --  I've just finished cleaning!"
• My mother taught me about religion:  "You'd better pray that stain will come out of the carpet."
• My mother taught me about time travel:  "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you right into the middle of the next week."
• My mother taught me about logic:  "Because I said so, that's why."
• My mother taught me about foresight:  Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
• My mother taught me about the science of osmosis:  "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
• My mother taught me about contortionism:  "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck?!"
• My mother taught me about stamina:  "You'll sit there until all the spinach is finished."
• My mother taught me about weather:  "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
• My mother taught me how to solve physics problem:  "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming towards you, would you listen to me then?"
• My mother taught me about hypocrisy:  "If I told you once, I've told you a million times: don't exaggerate!"
• My mother taught me the circle of life:  "I bought you into this world, and I can take you out."
• My mother taught me about envy:  "There are millions of less forunate children in this world who don't have wonerful parents like you do!"

                            What Did Your Mother Teach You ?