HANGOVER CURES

The holidays are a traditional time for overindulgence in alcohol.  Here are some of the more common hangover cures:

• Take a shower; it will feel pretty good, and when you throw up in there, you have less cleaning to do.
• Slidetwo of Billy Joel's The Nylon Curtain.
• Upon waking up, text "ughhhhhh" to anyone you saw the night before.
• Smoke every salvageable cigarette danging from ashtray.
• Percocet, fresh squeezed orange juice, The Wire.
• Smash some raw eggs on the ground.  It will not help your hangover, but its fun, and the most important thing in life is fun.
• Beat self up over missed chances, lost opportunties, broken promises, eat more pie.
• Inject electrolyte solution directly into each cell that hurts.