"Resolutions"

I'm opening a gym called "Resolutions".

It will have exercise equipment for the first two weeks and

then turns into a bar for the rest of the year.

Laugh until the tears Run down your legs!!

A man and woman were married for many years.  Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night.  The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!  Neighbors feared him. The old liked the fact that he was feared.  Then one evening, he died when he was 98.  After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?  The wife said, "Let him dig.  I had him buried upside down......and I know he won't ask for directions.

Gramma's Old and Crabby

WHATEVER you give a WOMAN she will make it GREATER.
Give her SPERM she will give you a BABY. 
Give her a HOUSE she will give you a HOME.
Give her GROCERIES, she will give you a MEAL.
Give her your LOVE and she will give you her HEART.
She MULTIPLIES and ENLARGES what she is GIVEN.
So if you GIVE her CRAP, be PREPARED to RECEIVE a ton of SHIT!

Great Tip I Had To Share

Someone just pointed out something very interesting to me.........

When writing the date in 2020 on ANY documents, bills, notes, etc........

write the year in its entirety.

It could possibly protect you & prevent legal issues on paperwork.

Example :  If you write 1/1/20, Someone could easily change it to 1/1/2017
                   (for instance) and now your signature is on an incorrect document.

Stuff

Apparently there are 2 types of flu.

The Harmless one that women and children get,

And the "near Death" version that men get.

Beer/Biere

A simplified urine test that may be relevant for at least some of us men..........

Go outside and pee in the garden.

If ants gather : - diabetes.

If you pee on your feet :- prostate.

If it smells like a barbecue :- cholesterol.

If when you shake it, your wrist hurts :- osteoarthritis

If you return to the house with your penis still outside your pants :- Alzheimer's